Thursday, July 26, 2012

Eggs Over Easy

I've been down lately because I'll graduate from grad school at the end of summer semester, and yet I still don't have a job.  Adults should have full-time jobs, if not full-time jobs with benefits.  I was telling this to my friend who said something like: I can't get a man or a job either, but all you can do is keep applying.  Everything else is out of your hands.  She's right.  For years now, I've lived by the philosophy that all I can do is my best.  And because I have nothing else to do but try, that's what I do.  I try to get As in school, I try to be the best tutor, the best friend, to write the best thesis I can possibly write.  What bugs me most about searching for a job is the fact that I'm not trying my best.  I don't have the motivation to spend 6 hours a day applying for jobs.  And I want that motivation.  This must be something I'm meant to struggle with.  It never was worth it without a struggle.  Without a struggle, I'm like easy come, easy go (with money, free stuff, and other material things).  You know what, I don't even like eggs over easy.
The yolk is all yellow and runny. Ew. I make excellent scrambled eggs.
Yesterday a friend I spoke to on the phone said I seemed sadder lately.  Well I am, but I didn't think it was obvious.  This doesn't change much, but I already vowed that I'd stop trying to be 100% happy when I'm not (If I refuse to tell others how to feel, I shouldn't be a hypocrite and tell myself).  Except I take it back for my other friend's upcoming wedding.  I owe it to her to be happy then.  I am not a ruiner of weddings and their associated activities, no ma'am.

Today I mentioned Bud fondly in passing conversation.  Progress is marching on.
I like to think that Bud's happy for me.  He really is a good guy; it just didn't work out.  Life's like that.

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