Monday, July 16, 2012

(1) and (2)

I should be an adult by now, but I like to think adults don't develop irrational hatred towards things they can't control - things like the fact that Maroon 5 songs continue to be played on the radio.  Alas, I know that adults in fact do develop irrational hatreds.  In my personal experience, various adults have expressed irrational hatred towards helium balloons that won't deflate, drunk women in white dresses, Mini Coopers, white people, racially ambiguous people, cats, black people, the color pea green, men, the color gray, war and peace, NASA, organized religion, and fried okra.  I won't even start on irrational disdain.

On the break up front, today I was forced to shave my legs, get dressed, put on some earrings, and go out into the world.  The 3rd person I saw was a guy without a shirt on, a guy who works out.  He smiled at me.  I smiled back from behind my sunglasses.  Thank you heat wave.  They say time heals all wounds, and I figured this one would heal pretty quickly because (1) we only dated 2 months and (2) I never felt secure the whole time - how attached can you get when you don't fully trust the other person?  Still, I needed the time to mourn what could have been.  I knew from the get-go that there was a 90% chance that I was just the rebound, but I'm an optimist.

This positiveness is mostly the endorphins talking (I went on a run).  But it's also me.  Today I didn't cry one tear, and I felt truly depressed only in the morning.  I ate almost like I regularly do.  I was able to listen to songs about love on the radio.  While running, I didn't trip because I can concentrate again.  I interacted with the people in my house.  I still feel the burning desire to tell everyone I see or talk to that I just survived a break up, but I didn't actually do it.  Progress.  Life does mercilessly move on.

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