Wednesday, January 28, 2015

i failed to get chocolate chips after work

I keep forgetting to buy chocolate chips. Why??? I was just in the freaking grocery store. I want to make this recipe in a mug because I don't believe that it will work. But if it does work, it's going to be delicious.

My car looks really bad. There's salt all over it. It's a disgrace. If everyone else's car didn't also look like this, I'd feel really bad. Also, I can't see all the salt when I'm in the car, so I keep forgetting. I don't want to go to the car wash. Today I got to park in my boss's spot because he's in Ireland. I shouldn't get used to this. I also was at work for 9.5 hours. How do people do 10 hour work days?

Also, I am undermining myself with this new person because I'm trying not to be too dependent and seeming stand-offish. I suck. Also, how is Superbowl weekend this weekend? I keep thinking February is some far off time. But it's on Sunday, peeps. Sunday.

Sunday, January 25, 2015

hair story, Healer, he stands

Just did my hair. I have to say, dating means that I feel the need to have it look nice now, and that means I have to do it once a week because it's so dry these days. I'm up to using 5 different products to get my hair under control via twist out: Palmolive coconut shampoo, Jane Carter conditioner, then Milk Protein & Olive Oil Strengthening Creme mixed with Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie, and then Jane Carter Solution to seal the ends. The whole process from wash to the end of air drying takes about 3 hours. Today I watched a couple episodes of a Japanese drama in which a woman starts dating a 21 year old college student on her 30th birthday. To be fair, the kid is in love with her, so the main conflict comes from herself because she's never had a boyfriend before. Strangely enough, sex is never an issue, which is directly opposite to this novel called Eleven Minutes that I started yesterday and finished today. That book was basically a meditation on sex and prostitutes, but somehow still idealized. I wasn't a huge fan.

Anyway, I can't figure this specific guy out, but you can't really figure someone out when you haven't known them for a month yet. And after I said I was done with white guys, here comes number four. This would all be solved if I could just date Healer. Okay, so I don't mean that, but the man is gorgeous. Yes, I never cared about the actor in that Hero drama, and at first I didn't even see his pretty in Healer, but somewhere around the 7th episode, it clicked. Maybe it's just the role. I didn't think much about Jung Kyung-ho until he played Baksa Adeul in Heartless City. Now I just lust after him in every role in which he wears a suit. Very specific criteria, I know. He has a tendency to play roles in which I can't take him seriously, and at those times I lose all respect for him. So comedy is not his thing.

So why did I say I can't figure him out? Well is it worth not dating anyone else? Because I'm not. I can really only concentrate on one person at a time. And by 'concentrate' I mean think about when I'm not living the life I lived without dating. Now that SC is clear where he stands, he doesn't feel the need to text every day. He should just find somebody else, but he whines that it's hard. Well of course it's hard or you wouldn't appreciate when you finally do find someone who wants to find you too. If this new guy is the one I want that would be nice to stop all this looking, but I don't have many illusions. If it hasn't happened in however many years, what are the chances that trend is going to change? Oh pessimism. But never fear. This is my confession blog. I'm going to rally and keep trying. I can't do anything else but keep trying.

Monday, January 19, 2015

end of a long mlk weekend

Ugh, I finally churned out three blog posts for EGW's website. It's a site about writing, so if you're interested you can check it out here: I hadn't written a post in a while, so I think it was harder than usual, but three is a pretty good number! I especially wanted to do it because I said I would on Friday, and because her birthday is tomorrow. I don't know if the card I sent will get there in time, but as long as she knows that I love her. We've been friends a little over 10 years now. Can this be one of those lifelong relationships?

Yesterday, I met up with two other friends who I've been friends with for 11 years - MW and AC. So awesome to be able to get together for dinner with both of them. We've been spread out over the US for a while, and we'll be spread out again when AC leaves us and moves to Philly for work in the summer, but until then I need to enjoy being near them. I actually wouldn't mind so much if I did stay in this area for a few more years. I can't imagine it would be in this apartment, but maybe I can find some nice suburb off the beaten path. Can't see myself as a homeowner either - mostly because of my inability to fix things - but that's what I would do.

The OKCupid date is going relatively well. I don't know how these things are supposed to go, really. I always feel like I'm a bit passive in romantic relationships because so much is uncertain. I'm not my regular decisive self because I'm not acting solely for myself. Does that make sense? Anyway, I guess there's no rush really. I just need to go out and do things with him. I was talking to one of my cousins on the phone today and wondering if I just wasn't used to how a relationship should go because of the past people I've been in a relationship with. Is there such a thing as a 'normal' relationship? And will I ever come across that? AC seems to think that I should be doing any of the text initiating, so I guess I'll stop.  It's not like I don't have stuff to do in any case. No use getting that dependent, but I've always trusted people very easily. Too much, probably.

i truly intend to make this

Sunday, January 11, 2015


A good ice skating date, but how much will my butt hurt tomorrow from falling 4 or 5 times? Oh half the times were because I was trying to avoid a child. Better I fall than them.

Lost an earring back. Boo.

he could have run that

So going to go on an ice skating date. Like a true nerd, I looked up how to ice skate on youtube yesterday. I think as soon as I get on the ice, I need to just plop down and fall. Maybe then it won't be so intimidating. I mean, football players fall all the time. Speaking of football, while doing my hair last night, I watched a playoff game between the Seattle and Carolina. I turned it on the second quarter and Seattle was winning, so I rooted for Carolina. Carolina so lost. So bad. And I was thoroughly impressed by Chancellor on Seattle. The dud jumped over crouching linebackers effortlessly. The highest thing I can effortlessly jump over is the curb. And also, while I was watching, the Carolina quarterback had the ball and all his receivers were blocked, so he just kind of stumbled and then fell. Without thinking I said, "he could have run that," and then the announcer said, "actually, he could have run the ball too."  Same same! I totally can keep up with football. It only took 20-something years, but whatever!
a seahawks thing from

Went out to lunch on Friday with a coworker. We got Chinese food. It did not agree with me by about a half hour to 45min after I got back to the office. And ever since my body is rejecting food. I have little to no appetite. Will this get flushed out of my system soon? Hope so. Do I need to drink lots more water?

Also, back in October I went to the gyno and it was supposed to be under preventative care, so free, but they charged me $60. I'd been meaning to call them about it, but I totally forgot, and then in December, they gave me my money back. Yay! I just realized today when I had a nerd moment downloading an Excel file of all my checking account transactions from the past 18months. Filtering, man. So clutch.