Monday, April 29, 2013

take you far away

Years ago, MW gave me a Marc Jacobs dress she found on clearance at Loehmanns. It looked horrible on me. So I just kind of kept it. Then in January, I got the idea to cut off the top and keep the full skirt for summer. I wore it to work today, but it poured so I had to wear rain boots. I swear I looked like little house on the prairie. Worth it. It's a pale cotton and somehow I managed to attract lipstick and chocolate stains throughout the course of the day. Will those come out with my home dry cleaning kit?

Came home, took out my contacts, changed into my nightclothes, and slept. Two hours later, I'm wearing my glasses, and so glad I had that nap. I didn't even try to meet with the running group today - too tired. The only downside is that when I woke up, I felt slightly sick and weak from lack of food, prompting me to make pasta with cheese and eat Haagen-Dazs afterwards. There goes my plan to sleep my way through losing that last 10 pounds.
This song is stuck in my head!
I discovered the Snip tool on my computer, and now I am unstoppable. How did I never noticed it before?

New drama crack is called Nine:Nine Time Travels. I now love Lee Jin-wook (until the show is over).
New country song find is "Cruise" by Florida Georgia Line
New pop radio find is "Troublemaker" by Olly Murs

Sunday, April 28, 2013

wow i drove this weekend

I drove home Friday night after work. It takes 2 hours to get there - up 95 for the first hour and then back country for the second hour. I can't express how much I love my parents. And my siblings. And the family that lives near my parents. And Darcy, or dog. That's why I didn't mind when I moved back home for a couple years to do grad school. My US society tells me I should mind, but if anything I was more ashamed that I didn't mind when I was living at home. Plus home is rural, and I love the woods. I love to be outside in spring, summer, and fall. I'll even take winter in a pinch.

I treated BG to lunch, and we caught up during and afterwards. There is nothing like girlfriends. Okay, except sisters. She still works with Bud. Get this - I was ravenous when we sat down at the table to order. And then she said that the regular hook ups were happening at work and I lost my appetite. A sudden sick jab to my stomach and it was just gone. It must have showed on my face because she skimmed right along to another topic.

Why? It's been almost a year. I'm going to be messed up during/after the grad party in a month. I prefer to trick my mind into thinking all my exes are living happily ever after somewhere and I will never see or hear of them again. Or crappily ever after. I don't care as long as I never see or hear of them again. But life's not like that.

My youngest sissy came back from Japan! She is so good for souvenirs. She brought back multiple presents for everyone. I totally was not expecting that. I'm now the proud owner of GD socks. I squealed. So sad to leave her and drive back down to my apartment.
The GD's are in the middle. Fantastic Baby.
I read Dubus's The Garden of Last Days and didn't realize it was about the last days before 9/11 until I had 20 pages left in the 535 page book. That is a true testament to my powers to not observe something because 9/11 is clearly pasted all over the back cover. When I realized it was about 9/11, I was disappointed because the topic has been done to death, but I did learn, and I liked the writing style.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

mutated clovers

I haven't been able to make the running group time, so I've run by myself this week and rediscovered that I love being outside. It gave me time to explore on Monday (since I didn't have to keep to a 9:30 pace) and I found a couple trails. If no one comes along, I can imagine I'm in the woods at Hibernia. I found the most mutated clovers. I was looking for a 4 leaf clover by the vegetable garden. At first I got really excited and thought I'd found a 6 leaf clover, but then I realized the way about 20 different plants were growing was with almost split leaves. Mutation! I ran by again today and they'd mowed the grass near the vegetable patch. No more mutated clovers and I had no witnesses.

Came home, showered, and actually kicked myself out of the apartment to go buy food. Yum to bananas, grapes, yogurt, my current favorite cereal, honey wheat pretzels, mango ice cream... I knew I shouldn't go shopping while hungry, but I stopped to fix something for dinner, I'd never leave.

A co-worker made a spreadsheet to plan her wedding (I found out at the work bridal shower). Not that I have any real prospects, but if I ever have to plan a real wedding, I want that spreadsheet. That said, I'll just buy a really good cake, a dress, and elope. At the bridal shower, I heard I have to deliver a 90 day introduction to my company. Um. When is 90 days?

I talked to an astronaut outside the perpetual meeting room. Felt special. I so wanted to make friends with the event planner outside the perpetual meeting room. Couldn't swing it, but I did break to mail a letter to one of my cousins in the post office. The post office is right by the gift shop, where I stopped to buy this organic sea salt chocolate that is worth the $3.79. I called my parents to ask if they wanted a key chain or something and my dad accused me of going shopping while he and my mom were hard at work. Salty!

I started listening to I Heart Radio when I wake up, but it's repetitive. I'm reading a book by Andre Dubus III called The Garden of Last Days. Picked it up from the Goodwill. It's a literary novel, but it's about strippers. I keep thinking about strippers.

I don't want to go to BG's graduation party if Bud is going to be there. I should be over this by now.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

fun run 75

In a reversal, I went to work in workout clothes and came home business casual. That's because I did the 2 mile fun run today and it was ... well, fun. Great to get out and moving during the middle of the day, see all the people, wear the race bib#. It left me wanting to run at the normal time at the end of the day - I would have, but I didn't have any non-sweaty running clothes. I just like to be outside.

Today I feel lonely because I have no friends who live in my new town. It's one day after my half birthday. I should buy some cake. It's not too late, but let's be real, I'm not leaving my apartment until tomorrow morning.

I ate 6 cuties after I got home from work. I'm waiting for it to backfire on me. Whenever I eat a lot of one food, it always backfires (ex. walnuts, grapes, spinach). Been eating super healthy lately, only because I don't have enough money to buy junk food. Today I had 1% milk, Honey Bunches of Oats, Belvita, orange juice, 1/2 banana, 1/4 orange, 1/2 a turkey and cheese sandwich, 2tbsp peanut butter, 1 apple, 2 servings of pasta, 10 glasses of water, and those 6 cuties. Not to turn this into a food blog, but wow I need to eat more veggies.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

i understand you, so can you understand me?

Bills bills bills. I think there's a song in there somewhere. Speaking of songs, my random list of songs to download:

How to Love - Lil Wayne
Imagine Dragons
I Want You - Luke James
Blame It on the Boogie - MJ
Only Just a Dream - Nelly
As Long as you Love Me - JBiebs
I Hope You Dance -Lee Ann Womack
In Too Deep - Phil Collins

And yes, I call him JBiebs in my head. Too much hanging around MM a year or so ago. He was entertaining - his douchey-ness was somehow adorable.
Today is my half birthday. This cactus is the physical manifestation of a personality.
Yesterday was a bad day for being happy (Boston marathon, forgot my sports bra so couldn't run, came home and cried through the news), but today was much better. I'm realizing more and more that I need to expand my social circle. There's only so much a phone conversation can do for you. Live people are necessary. A few more weeks of this and I'll be able to write one of those post-apocalyptic characters who's kind of manic depressed and talks to themselves all the time. Oh empathy. The older I grow, the more experiences I'm exposed to and the more people I can sympathize with who I couldn't understand before. I don't understand how not to like people. I'm pretty sure that's going to bite me in the ass. Again.

Okay, definitely developing a crush because CH is the only guy I see! I need to just hear him talk about a girlfriend or something so bad that it actually disgusts me. Then it'll go away. I'm excellent at shutting down stuff that hasn't happened yet. Stuff that has happened, not so good (see all the Bud posts).

Fun run tomorrow.

Friday, April 12, 2013

i thought it was a dream

For the 3rd? 4th? 5th? time in my life, I food poisoned myself. Note - don't eat overripe pears. Luckily it wasn't as bad as the last time I food poisoned myself by eating all the walnuts and nothing else. Unluckily, I was at work. I ate the pear at 4:30 and by 4:50, I was running to the bathroom. At least it's Friday and everyone was gone. My appetite is gone too though.

I ate lunch with CK, who I've known for a couple years now. I didn't realize how well she knows me without really knowing me. It's unsettling. I don't feel like I know her very well at all. I'm also disappointed about lunch because we ate with her guy friend who thinks I'm cute, but I don't think he is. And I wanted to. I like C from my running group a lot better, although I don't really know him either. And he's looking better and better, probably because I don't interact with that many guys my age. My social circle down here, fragile as it is, is full of girls with boyfriends. I now assume everyone is taken.

Horrible traffic. Just stay on the parkway if it's moving at all. Because light to light was the horror.

I'm sad because my shin splints are back with a vengeance. After months of carefully managing my running, I'm in bad shape. Not the worst it's ever been, but I woke up in the night because a stabbing pain was shooting down my left shin. I thought it was a dream, but in the morning it was true. The vibration of the car makes it stab me in the leg. So no running for 3 days. Which sucks. I actually cried about it. I'll probably cry some more. I'm in a pissy mood.

I'm super into this book I got from the Goodwill called Clearcut by Nina Shengold because the main character spends half his time worshipping the woods.
"The woods are lovely, dark, and deep"

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

the blissful hour

Happy hour with acquaintances was nice. None of that tension that results from a group of people knowing too much about each other, screwed up relationships. I'm liking this work thing more lately. Mostly because the weather is so nice here this week. It's a taste of summer with 80+ highs. I could live in 80 degree weather, I really could. I just have to get used to running in it again. But I'm resting tomorrow and venturing to Columbia to buy new running shoes. This is the most excited I've been about retail shopping in a long time. I ran about 10 miles a week since September, so let's discount February and say there are about 250 miles on the ones I have now. Early to change them, but they were just random shoes from Sports Authority.

Got to say, even though shorts mean constant shaving and awkward sock tans, I love being outside in summer weather. And I only like beer when I'm sweating in the sun, so warm weather is my season. Baked cornbread muffins when I got home. Yum.

Monday, April 8, 2013

ache break heart

My feet hurt so much from running. I can't take it anymore. Tomorrow, I'll do the baby run of 2 miles. But Wednesday I'lll skip the run and go to the running shoes store after work. Your feet aren't supposed to be fine in heels all day UNTIL you put them into your running shoes, when they start to ache.
This is a guy's shirt, but I'd wear it.
I was invited to B's graduation party at the end of May. I have to go. Yeah. So I went online to RSVP, and found out that Bud had. At this point I just never want to see him again because it's easier that way. Can I be happily dating someone else by then?

Sunday, April 7, 2013

i popped some tags

Got lost this weekend, but not seriously. I wound up in a business park on the weekend. Pretty, but uneventful. I found the closest Goodwill and picked up some books and spoons. This Goodwill is more expensive than the one in Roanoke or the one near my parents' house. And the girl who checked me out can only be described as surly, but I will say that the book section was the most organized I've ever seen at a thrift store, and I've done a lot of thrift shopping; yes, even before I first heard the Macklemore song back in November.

For the first time in my life, I have real income. It feels almost like when I got my first part-time job back in 2003, only back then I had no bills. There was no reality check, so I'd go to the mall and spend money on clothes. Today I spent time checking out home furnishing stuff. Most of the other customers were young couples. I guess people with mucho dinero don't bother checking out Pier 1.

When I talked with AS on the phone before Easter he told me he was going to a conference with Bud this weekend. Why do people feel the need to tell me? I honestly just wonder why. I will never throw other people's exes in their faces ever again. It holds them back. While on the topic of guys, AB is such a jerk - don't be randomly nice to me if you only want to make sure I don't forget you exist. Just let me forget.

I wanted to see Jurassic Park in 3D with my siblings, but my brother is having trouble getting leave, my sissy is getting reading to fly to Thailand, and my other sissy is in Japan until the end of April. I am almsot sibling-less. It wasn't supposed to be this way.
Puppies are cute.

Friday, April 5, 2013

should be entertaining

I finally drank the nonalcoholic ginger beer. Serious stuff. It burns. I love it. It comes in a brown bottle, just like a real beer. For weeks in my head I've been promising myself vodka and orange juice. Tomorrow is the day I buy the vodka. It's also the day I find the Goodwill and Home Goods (I'm in search of a TV stand).

Out of nowhere, AB emailed me after 1,2,3, no 4 months of no communication. Never thought I'd talk to him again. Can we date? Sigh - it's not even him. I really enjoy my own apartment. I don't need to live with anyone right now. I just want a local friend.

I ran again today, with just the girls. I don't understand women who can't get along with other women. Other women are vital to staying sane. I felt leg strain while running; if I don't get new running shoes, I'll probably get shin splints. My shins feel very tight this week. But I need to last until the work-sponsored "Fun Run" in mid-April! It's only 2 miles. Should be entertaining. Then I'll just do the gravel trail all the time. It's 3 miles, challenging hills, and shade, which is key for the coming summer heat. Good conditioning. :-)

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

11 flights

My poppi is home! He's on antibiotics for the pneumonia and has a rough recovery ahead of him, but he's going to recover. I'm so relieved. We're all so relieved. I called home and Mom sounded a little more like herself. She said the dog is sticking to him and protecting him. The dog is a 160+ pound mastiff.
I surprised myself and ran with the group again today. I rarely run two days in a row, mostly to prevent my shin splints from coming back. But I dunno. Last night, I felt like I needed to run again and when I woke up, I still felt that way. So I did. I'm glad, because I ran with CK, CH, and L, which was a different dynamic. More comfortable, since I've known CK off-and-on for 3 years now. I really enjoy how bright and talkative she is, and she's super happy lately. It shows. She's glowing these days. So jealous! But jealous with a smile. Only one of my close friends, AK, has that same kind of visible spark. After the 2 miles, CH and L took me to the stairs. 11 flights. Two at a time. I made it to the 6th floor before I felt it. Then I kind of hopped to the 9th. And then I basically walked up the rest. Looking down from 11 flights, it felt like I was in a movie. So cool. On rainy days, they do 3 sets. Well I like a challenge.

My feet hurt, but I feel much better today. Running is the best therapy.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

some kind of fog

I've called home every day since I got back to my apartment and the news about my poppi is good. He might be getting out of he hospital as I type. My dad didn't know. But one of my aunt's is going to stay with my grandparents for a few days, so that's a good sign. I just... You don't know how much begging I did. I guess it's called praying. And here I am crying again, in some kind of fog. Fog because I have to hold it in for hours at work, try to function, although even strangers can read me like a book.

Did the running group thing. 6 of us set out, but I dropped off halfway through and only ran 3 miles. I need to eat differently - I felt weak at the beginning of the run, which featured another killer hill that I didn't make it up without walking. And to think on Hibernia runs I start out with a hill a half mile long and I'm fine. I'm a total hill conqueror there.

Feeling insecure. Going to drown my self in fiction.