Saturday, January 12, 2013

cake vs. panic-attacks; and cake triumphs

I had a phone interview for a job on Friday! Relief. Even if the end result isn't employment, I know I qualify for something. I was doubting myself. 8 months of off-and-on job applying does that to you. This job requires a background check. Hmm. Does the government care about blogs?

PhD applying takes determination. I must stay flexible. Today I found an old post-it note in the Bible I had in college. The note read "ultimate pslam for a panic-attack," and was marked on Pslam 69. I'd forgotten until I found the note, but I used to read the psalm out loud when I was at Hopkins and couldn't handle the stress. In the psalm, the whole world is against the speaker, but he/she still has strength. I understand why I needed that back then. Hopkins was no joke. I remember I had a mini panic-attack at the beginning of a Linear Algebra test once. I had to call the TA to come over and talk to me. All he said was he couldn't tell me anything, but I used the sound of his voice to calm down. I haven't been so stressed since Hopkins. MFA school was challenging in a non-stressful way, and geography grad school was cake that I thoroughly enjoyed eating. It surprises me, how easily I forget.
And now I'm hungry.
I've always been a journal-er. Today I found some diaries dating all the way back to the late 1990s. Because I knew I'd only mock my 12 year old self, I recycled them. I don't want to read middle school dreams about my life at 22, when 22 is also a memory.

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