The previous Friday night and Saturday night I went out and the conversation eventually turned to relationships and dating, and everyone else has so much more experience, and seems so confident. It made me think, hey, I can handle a texting conversation with an ex. So the above texting conversation happened. But now all day I keep thinking about him, even though I know nothing - absolutely nothing - will happen.
The only good thing is that all this relationship saturation (starting from when I was in San Francisco) has told me a lot about what I can take and leave in a man. I'm going to have to go with the Adele song "Someone Like You," because Bud is the type of man that works for me. I don't have to dumb myself down or talk myself up. I'm not too smart. Let me tell you, I have scared many a man off because I'm "too smart." It's stupid. I also happen to be black, but raised on military bases, so I'm not black enough for the average black person. Yes, that so-called AAVE (African-American Vernacular English), I can't speak it. I understand it, but I can't say it back. Just like Spanish. That creates an immediate distance between me and black men. Yet the fact that I'm black creates a distance between me and men of other races.
Last night, my friend's brother was saying, don't even go looking for a man. One will find you. I didn't go looking for Bud- we got to talking and he asked me out. I wasn't sure about him, but I trusted him, so I said yes and it went on from there. But that doesn't happen often. Since we broke up, I get tired of waiting, but at the same time I apparently can't handle dealing with some other guy if texting Bud breeds tears, angst-inspired running, and weird dreams about still being in school. God, help.