Friday, August 31, 2012

Tulip my poplar

Last day of August. It felt like the last day of summer. Cloudless blue sky. 80-something degrees. Open highway. Perfection.

I've been reading books/articles about relationships. On book said a long-term relationship working/not working comes down to personalities and common values. The book also said we all like things that come in a pretty package, so work out and wear make up.
I think men wrote that book. I don't endorse telling women that they need to wear make-up to be attractive. At some point, he will see you without it. The point of the pretty package line must be that once he sees you without it, you'll have already got him.  Whatever 'got him' means; it's all relative. I've never been much of a make-up girl, but at the beginning of this year, I started wearing eyeliner/mascara most of the time. I stopped post-break up, but started again in the past 2 weeks. I don't know if it makes me prettier, but it makes me feel prettier. At this point, I think whatever I can do to feel prettier is good.  Break ups do a number on self-esteem, especially after all the positive reinforcement a girl gets from a guy who wants to sleep with her. Since I learned how to dress my body well in 2009/2010, I always dress well.  Makeup was the next step?

Anyway, today I met up with AMF (actual male friend, the gay one), who came on a surprise visit from NY. He called in the morning to ask me to lunch, telling me he had to meet with Bud about work stuff before that.  Anyway, later, when AMF and I hung out, Bud came up. I don't think I was sad. I tried not to be down about it. We eventually said goodbye. I drove home in time to change and go for a run. On the way to the park, I heard this song:
It's Breakeven by The Script. I've always liked them, and this song in particular before it got played out on the radio. But never before has this song described an aspect of me - although I'm nowhere near as creeper as the guy in this video. So of course tears ensued on the drive to the park. Remember those surveys that people used to post on their Facebook or MySpace, the ones that ask who you kissed last, what color underwear you have on, the last person to text you. They also ask, When was the last time you cried? These days, my answer is always today, or yesterday. I'm tired of it. Feeling tired doesn't do anything.

On my run, I explored a trail I'd never run before. Rocks and foot bridges, mud, horse hoof prints, elm, white maple, shagbark hickory, American beech, sassafras. I love naming the trees. Tulip poplars are my favorites.

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