Wednesday, January 29, 2014

you tart, you

Brain surgery is going around. Successful ones luckily. All those days of starving and today I got free food at work from 3 different places. The potluck was the best.

I got Donna Tartt's book from the library. I had to place a hold on it, which I did maybe a month or two ago. And now I shall finally be able to read it. I mainly want to read it because The Secret History is one of my favorite novels and I'm waiting for her to write something again that blows me away.

I was moody today. I had to go to a lab meeting and socialize for 45 minutes while trying to stuff myself with green beans. I gave up. I didn't. I mostly thought about brain surgery and how there aren't enough women in science. A room full of scientists and only 4 including me were women. 3 including me were Black. 3 were Asian. How do boys do so poorly in grade school, but then by college there are like 2 girls in the higher level math and science classes? I should know - I've been one of the two girls. Is it like this in other countries?

Wondering. Wondering about that phd. At this point it won't happen unless I reach out and contact the university. Should I let this chance slip away? Is it a chance? I guess I just want permanence, and that's just an illusion, a thing I thought existed. I wish school would give that to me, but I'd have the degree and then still search for a job, bounce around, I don't want to bounce around with uncertainty, which is why the military lifestyle appeals to me. You're bouncing around with certainty, with purpose, with the security that you'll have a job, with minimal risk.

I started the Winter Shape Up 2014 program on Monday and I am sore. It lasts for a month. I don't mind because I need to get toned again. I still fit in my clothes, but what if that's only because my body is gradually stretching them? It should be warm enough by Friday for me to run outside. Yay to the yay.
i could do that.

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