defeat?

I am really bad at volleyball. I don't think I'm going to get better. I always knew I lacked coordination with round things, but wow I am the worst. I surprise myself with how bad I am. I'm tired of getting extra chances because I'm horrible.

I also ran a little. I think I'm coming back from my injury. My knee doesn't hurt. There is occasional shooting pain in random parts of both my legs right now, hours later, but I think that's just shin splints maybe? Because I took so much time to recover, I can't run too far these days. I'm still in shape though, so at least there's that.

would you like a hot beverage?

Ugh. Am I weird in that I don't feel like talking all the time, but I like to be around people?

Just finished watching the Jdrama, Last Cinderella. I thought the last two episodes would be the pinnacle of tears, but it turns out I've just been watching too many Kdramas. Crazy girl suddenly got some sense even though no one sent her to a shrink like I've been begging them to all season. I still think the step-sibling relationship is hella crazy, but that narrative thread was dropped so, I guess I'll forget about it.

Ran a tiny bit today because it was 93 degrees at 5pm. Work was busy again, but I got more done than I expected. I made it through the emails from Monday all the way to 10am today. Progress. It's lonely at work without BH sharing the office, but I got so many phone calls that the time flew past and I didn't even get to wave goodbye.

Going to try a new hair mixture that PM told me about. She's sissy's friend but more a family friend at this point, and her hair is always beautiful these days:
2tbp aloe juice
2tbp leave in conditioner
2tsp jojoba oil
2tsp castor oil
The oils can be substituted with other ones from Sally's.
Also, she mixes aloe juice and water at a 1:1 ratio and sprays it on her hair beforehand. Yes, I'm black.

the 3rd day of summer

Been avoiding going to the grocery store. Don't feel my best since my diet is like 1000 calories. Going to go as soon as I eat something.

Been writing letters, where I pour out random feelings to people who are my friends, but we'd never talk about any of this in person. Well... wait, we would if we had enough time, but my friendships these days are meet, catch up, time to go. Never time to really talk. All the letters are clouded by my poor nutrition. I need a woman to come and tell me what to buy and then take me to the grocery store and force me to buy it and then maybe I won't exist in half-starvation.

I haven't gone outside since Friday.

"He left the house and rowed slowly back across the water, resting on his oars from time to time to let the fresh afternoon wind dry his skin. Poor Mattie, to have lost all those years and years of glorious summer days."
--Drowning Ruth, by Christina Schwarz

i can't serve under pressure

Another Wednesday - played volleyball and I was actually worse than last time. I was fine while warming up, but then when the games started I got the ball over the net once. Once. Everyone was looking at me... the pressure. On the other hand, I think volleyball is really friendly and doesn't aggravate my knee.  Afterwards we went running for a little. Since I can't run down hills, I was behind, but it was all good as the two guys went off together. I took the shortcut back. Discovered a dog tick crawling up my leg. I am so over ticks. Please let there be no more on me. I got CH to promise to take me for a ride in his car, which is gorgeous. That's a plus, but it's not even the car - it's when he shifts gears. Oh wow, I have a crush.

You know what really grinds my gears? When...

I came home and one of my neighbors - the one with the little dogs that bark - was on the porch grilling steak and chicken. It's not advisable to take food from a strange man, but I was hungry. Anyway, there were plenty of witnesses and I survived. I'm currently putting off: washing the dishes, taking a shower, folding the laundry, and washing my hair while I wait for the steak to cook a little more in the oven. I don't do red meat. And now he asked me for $40. Nothing is free!

Worst morning commute ever - took me an extra hour to get to work thanks to the fact that people can't merge. By the time I passed the scene of the accident, the firemen were standing around joking and having a good time. At least I'd stopped at the grocery store, so I had food.

"I don't even have any real friends - except you Rajah"

Ran on Sunday in Hibernia Park - still my favorite place to run. It's like I invested all my relationship emotion there - both during and after my last relationship. And now the place is dearer than a friend. My knee injury hasn't gone away still, so I could only run 1.25 miles before it started to work, and then I had to walk back. Disappointing, but I hope the next time I go there, I can run my regular 3 miles. DS in the running group loaned me some KT tape, which I'll try out tomorrow for volleyball and a short jog - hoping the placebo effect works. Also hoping I make real friends down here soon - people keep asking me if I'm lonely. I must look really lonely?

Today I was wearing a pair of test contacts. All was fine during the day, but on my commute home just as I was about to get on the parkway, my right eye was irritated. I rubbed it a little. Didn't go away. So I thought something was stuck in the corner of my eye and rubbed that. My contact came out on my finger.  Luckily, it was raining and I'd left just before 5, so traffic was super slow and I was able to take out my other contact and shove on my glasses. Too bad my glasses make me feel sick. Next year, I will definitely change my glasses prescription as well. I need to have a reliable backup.

Sissy brought back T.O.P socks from Japan. Now they match my GD socks.

They approve.

Yes, I love Aladdin (see title). Recently, I discovered free movies onDemand which are all old, but have no commercials. Yesterday after work I got my eyes dilated, so I drove home and watched (blurry) "Four Weddings and a Funeral" and then "Tremors" for the 20th time. John Hannah is in Four Weddings and I love him from The Mummy, so I called him Uncle John the whole time. I laughed - I cried. Good movie. Made me want to read some Auden.

volleyball

Yesterday I joined a very informal summer volleyball group. By the end of the hour I didn't suck so bad at serving. Let's ignore the beginning though. Team sports - I avoid them because I can stand disappointing myself (hence the solo running), but I really start to beat myself up when other people are involved. Still, I'm in a rut with running since my knee isn't quite right, so a different sport is what I need. I'm actually sore. My body's gotten so used to the movements it takes to run that running isn't even a physical challenge - just mental. Volleyball is physical in that I struggle to get coordinated. Not a surprise from the girl who crashes into walls and doorways while attempting to walk around in the morning. Anyway, not too many people were at volleyball yesterday, besides me just old guys and young interns. So no one my age, but they were all super nice and I want to make a real friend or two.

Can I play volleyball here?

A thunderstorm front went through at work, but no derechos. While I was at work, there was a tornado touchdown in my suburb, but nowhere near my apartment. The thing I like about spring/summer storms is they come in brief waves and are over quickly. The parkway was fine, but there was an accident on the road between work and the parkway, and the traffic light was out, so slow going. People in this state make a much bigger deal of storms than we do in PA - I keep thinking nature is going to smite me for not having enough healthy fear.

I was invited to go up in a little plane by an emeritus at work. I don't know when, but I'm doing it. So there may be a chance of me dying in a fiery plane crash.

신의 over and over again

Why is Faith (Shinui 신의) the one drama I can watch over and over again? It's a bit like One Hundred Years of Solitude - after I finished that book I had to go back to the beginning and read it again to get the stuff I'd overlooked. Of course, you can never quite recapture the uncertain mystery of the first time, but Faith gets better and better. Plus, watching Faith on Vikii, I get to turn on the comments, which are mainly lustful and always hilarious. There's nothing like a soft kitty joke to add levity.  BBT anyone? Yes, I have too much time on my hands.

Do people start working at 2pm? I am out of there at 4:30, and no, the process you started 2 minutes ago will not be finished in 10 minutes, especially not when I have 20 other processes to deal with. Anyway, all I mean is I didn't get to run with the running group. I went later on my own, which was just as well - my knee still isn't 100%. I tried to run a flat route, but even so after 2 miles my knee had had enough, cue walking. At least there was no parkway traffic - a gift from God.

Sissy 1 and Sissy 2 banned together against me, so it looks like I'm driving to my parents for the weekend yet again. A birthday and Father's Day. So this is what happens when you live not quite far enough away. I love my family, but I'm not a fan of packing up every weekend. Plus both sissies are home so I will have nowhere to sleep.

The best defense... or an excuse to post LMH as Choi Young in Faith.

i got my ray bans on and i'm feelin hella cool tonight...

I used my vision insurance for an eye exam. Haven't had insurance for 3 years, so I'm going to have many doctor appointments in the near future. My poor eyes have been through the wringer today. And they have to get dilated during next week's follow up exam. Sunglasses time. Meanwhile, I have two different types of contacts to try out.

Sissy tells me some (knock off) Ray Bans are headed my way.

I saw SH this weekend, and it was fun but disappointing. Some couples make me want to puke. I guess you can't go back to how it used to be. I'm glad he seems happy though - for all the ladies out there he's a great catch, even if he has little to no sense of direction. It's one of his few faults, and easy enough to accept. One of my sisters is like that too.  I tried to find a new way home and wound up driving by work on a Saturday - such disappointment.

Ventured out between rainstorms to see the giant snapping turtle that lives in the man made lake at work, but the water was so muddy that we saw nothing. I went with J, who is late middle aged and outgoing and somewhat of a flirt. In a harmless enough way. I bet his wife is awesome.

Tornado warnings. Didn't run. Wouldn't have anyway since I hadn't shaved my legs in too long. But so ready for tomorrow. I want sun and shorts.

All my running clothes come from Marshalls.

boycott

Icing works- my knee is fine. Avoiding downhill and sticking to flat or uphill is working. Today we did a short speed workout. I liked the variety. I didn't realize I'd gotten a little bored with running 2 or 3 miles and then heading out. I also realize that I have little to no stamina - but I can work on that.

hoping to run up some hills soon

Watching trashy tv - Say Yes to the Dress and Breaking Amish. SYtD is classic, but BA is stupid. My parents live near the Amish - I'd run into them sometimes in Hibernia, so I don't have any illusions. The show just kind of shows me that reality tv tries really hard to make drama out of everything. I just have a weird fascination because the show takes place like 10 miles from my parents' house. It's not as fascinating as Amish Mafia, which kind of horrified me, but still semi-entertaining.

Facebook can make you feel left out. I'm boycotting for a while.

if it seems like something's weird, then...

So in my experience, if it seems like something weird's going on, then probably something weird's going on. If A is married to B. But Q seems into A, then is AQ a work marriage? Mind you, I've never witnessed AB. But when I first met A and Q I thought they were dating, so I was surprised that AB was an item since way back forever. Overthinking?

Intern season at work - I met a math major. The interns are all so cute. They're younger than Y, who just got her BA.

I've been treating my knee well, but I got ambitious today. I did walk the downhills, but it turns out 3.4 miles was still to far. Walking down a path you've always run is so tedious. On the other hand, all these butterflies kept flying around me and I imagined myself as a Disney princess - the power to command wildlife to do my bidding. Power corrupts.

Just finished icing my leg and the verdict is not the greatest. Let's pray I can walk right tomorrow.

enough ice to heal my knee ...

one of my few

SH called me on Friday! And just when I accepted that he was never going to talk to me again. How is it that some people are just so comfortable? He's definitely one of my few. Family is comfortable b/c you've known each other forever, grown and become different people; but friends are a different story, especially when you've moved around military-brat style like me. Only years together determines if your relationship is one of the few, years fortified not just by good times but by bad ones and drama too. I have no clue if this relationship goes both ways, but I think I'll always feel this way.

Came home again this weekend to continue the game of musical chairs with the cars. It's inspection season.

Loving the beautiful hot days where being outside is such a pleasure. It's delicious - so much better than inside.