At work I spoke with a woman on the phone who was happily out of contact for a week or so because she's working in the field somewhere near Galveston, TX. She was happy to speak about her experiences teaching at Penn State and working at my agency, and wow did she make me want to get that PhD. I find I get comfortable very easily, but that's not what life's about - just being comfortable. There's no use angsting over whether or not to do the program after the deferment period is over. Not for half a year at least. All I want to know, is will I regret not doing it? I've focused on the things I wouldn't like about getting a PhD to make myself feel better about the choice I made, but maybe I'm not being fair to myself. And now that I've realized that I don't care if I never get married, well there's no reason not to start a PhD in my late 20s. But there is a reason to hold onto this job - it took so much time and effort to get it, and I was miserable for 6 months. A lot of tears went into this - and it's a great job - and every day I'm still grateful that I have it. Decisions.
Change of topic - it looks like Christmas in Hawaii is happening. I want to see my brother again.