"I felt myself entering my own reality as if it were a tunnel or a dream. I know now you lose yourself by going deeper. It is a hole you slip down. You think you are getting close to truth when actually your mind reveals nothing."
---Transparency, Frances Hwang
What does this say about the age-old practice of keeping a diary? About blogging? I admit that life is easier when the time I have to reflect is precious. Too much idleness has become unhealthy for me. Kids can stand it for some reason, look at them with those long summer vacations. But I'm happier busy. Yes, I take the quote with a grain of salt; it's too easy to write about characters who are in pain. It's easier to convey sadness than joy. Just look at all the photos of supposedly happy people online.
|A Gap ad about friendship.|
I was very busy for about a month, up until yesterday. I don't want to say I'm back to where I was before, to feeling, on a daily basis, the sadness it's so easy to write about. But I will say I'm closer. Maybe I didn't need to go see Bud on a whim before. Maybe there is no closure. I think that although I like him as a person, I can't be friends with him. Seeing him is good, but painful. I can't enjoy his presence anymore. So that's what I was mourning these past months. Hey! - people who can be friends with an ex - how?