Wednesday, February 4, 2015

February war and peace

Feeling down so far this February. Mostly because my wisdom tooth removal consultation is scheduled for one week. And because work is well... work. Not exciting. The same things are happening with different variations and I don't think I'll ever get a raise, despite the fact that I'm doing more than is in my job description. The initial sense of freedom I got by saying goodbye to SC forever except strictly has friends has faded. The only thing he had going for him was sheer stubborn-ness, which I have too, so whatevs.  Maybe Emily said it best -

There's a certain slant of light
Winter Afternoons –
That oppresses, like the Heft
Of Cathedral Tunes –

Heavenly Hurt, it gives us –
We can find no scar,
But internal difference –
Where the Meanings, are –

None may teach it – Any –
'Tis the seal Despair –
An imperial affliction
Sent us of the Air –

When it comes, the Landscape listens –
Shadows – hold their breath –
When it goes, 'tis like the Distance
On the look of Death –

Emily Dickinson of course. When I leave work, I step into the long hallway and a slant of yellow light shines on the brown/gray carpet. I thought of the first few lines of this poem. February is hard.

I'm about 68% of the way through War and Peace. Only 8 and a half hours left, ya'll. All the war is taking a toll on me. I think about French-speaking Russians and Napoleonic wars and hope Prince Andrew doesn't die and does forgive Natasha and marries her, even though she was an idiot. I think about how war has stayed the same and why are all these people dying. After the first 100 or so pages, this book became addicting. I'm addicted. I'm seeing it through. I read that it devolves from story to philosophical meditation towards the end. Hope I can hang in there.

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