Sandy

I love this.

I'm east coast, not far from Philly, so experiencing Sandy. I hope the power doesn't go out. Saw this picture on tumblr while listening to OSTs from Korean dramas. See all of the lights? It's beautiful.

I ran on the treadmill for the first time in a few years. It's easier than I remembered - there's a 5K button, so I  pushed that. Speed problems resolved. I got either a cold or allergies. Been sitting with a toilet paper roll because I used all the tissues yesterday.

No waltzing, so i tell myself we're in love...

Yesterday I got a call to schedule my first temp job interview, which was today at 1pm. I freaked out. This change thing. I don't want to do it. It's the two years I spent in grad school, getting used to things being all easy and regular. I've been near family so I have a great support system. But I think it's also a crutch. I hadn't lived anywhere near home since I graduated from high school in 2003, and being back is just so steady. That isn't what life is supposed to be.

But at the same time, I'm not the type of person that just goes out there blind without some sort of goal. Yeah, I've thought that I could just drive past the exit for my house, just keep going. Just drive.

But I need some purpose. Right I just have a vague idea that I want a job in my field (geography, GIS, environmental management). My field is soooo slow at doing any hiring. In my class, I know one guy who got a full-time job right away, before we graduated even. The rest are working jobs that don't relate to our field, or internships, or still looking. Am I stubborn for not caving in and going into sales? But I hate persuading people because people arguing at me never changes my mind, so why should me trying to manipulate them change their mind? Yes, I'm that stubborn. It's a good thing everyone isn't like me. Like my cousin said, I'll just go work at Dunkin Donuts. I like donuts.

Who doesn't want just a bite of this? Not the whole thing. Just a bite. Just to see.

I keep flipping back and forth on the PhD thing. The people I've asked are divided 50/50 on whether I should go back to school. Some say it's a waste of time. Some say I'm bookish so why not (this last I find vaguely insulting, but it's true). Sadly, I can't find a program I want to apply to. And if I have to ask, then maybe I shouldn't. But what if I want to by next August and then I have to wait a year before I can go? So that's why I need to take the GREs, but while you're taking them is when you tell them where to send your scores and I don't know where. See the circular nature of this dilemma? All I have to do is figure out what I can stand doing long enough to get a PhD in it. All I have to do...

I thought my car was dying again, but it only needed power steering fluid. So it got some. The trouble is, that means power steering fluid is leaking from somewhere. Yes, my Ford is from the last millennium. And, that just made it sound even older.

For my birthday, my grandfather and one of my uncles went into Kohls and each bought me a $25 gift card. The image of these two men (who spend time welding things and often have mud on their pants) walking into a Kohls cracks me up. I haven't been there in ages, but I'll find something good. My priorities are a fall jacket and the perfect white t-shirt. I've been burned on the white t-shirt thing time and time again, because I have big boobs. The silhouette just isn't right, and if I don't wear a fitted top, I just look like a box above the waist. I used to desperately try and exercise away my boobs so I could pull off the slouchy-casual-glam look that only A/B-cups can pull off. I've since accepted that slouchy-casual-glam isn't for me unless I want to look 4 sizes bigger than I am.

Don't tell me you never wanted to look this cool.

Anyway, after suffering a sharp (yet relatively brief compared to this summer) depression b/c I can't have an academic schedule anymore, I went to the temp interview. To cheer myself up, I sang to Top40s on the radio the whole way (still can't listen to the sad songs...). Even though it was gray and cloudy today, it was good to drive fast down the highway and know my car wasn't going to break down. That car may be a cranky teenager, but we've been together 5+ years. We're comfortable. And it's not like new cars just waltz into your life like people do, so I tell myself we're in love...

looking and looking and finding

Is this childish -
There's something I like about the number 23. Is it because it's prime? I remember numbers and fiddle with number patterns in my head though, so there's probably not much to it. I once read a book where this religious character was obsessed with finding meaning from numbers in the Bible, which is easy since all the verses are numbered. This was a novel, so he dramatically took it way too far and screwed up his kids. What is it like to live constantly looking for omens in all the numbers? And then each culture has different ideas about which numbers are good. I was taught that 7 is good because it's in the Bible somewhere. But in Chinese/Korean/Japanese culture 8 is the best number, hence the Beijing Olympics start date of 8/8/08 and even my favorite Korean rapper G-Dragon getting an 8-star dragonball tattoo (and yes, he was born in '88, the year of the dragon). And then I heard that 4 is unlucky (it sounds almost like the word for death). 13 is taboo in the US. All those rock stars keep dying when they turn 27. I'm not even going to get started on colors. On dream interpretations. On names.

I once wrote a research paper on omens in the ancient Near East, so I know that this desire to find meaning in random occurrences/combinations is at least as old as human civilization. Although ancient omens were sought in the pattern of sheep guts and other entrails. Divination. Portents. All iffy stuff. Each type has rules, but is open for interpretation. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to see patterns in the tea leaves at the bottom of my cup. No luck - I must be drinking the tea wrong or something.

So what is it about humans that when we look for significance, we find it? I doubt signs, but intuition has served me well. Take Bud, I knew that wasn't going to work out, but it took my brain a while to spot the reasons why. And yesterday I was completely validated because he's still in love with his ex-girlfriend. And if past relationships have taught me anything, it's respect for someone who can't get over someone else. It literally took me years to get over my college love, but I didn't go around dating other people to try and get over it. I kept my misery to myself, thanks. I knew there was nothing another guy could do for me. Just time. I hope Bud realizes that, but for guys, trying to get over it is hooking up with other girls. So can this be the one and only time in my life I'm one of the other girls?

Practical note - I need to eat more. I went running and my breathing was fine, but my legs were weak. Nooooo.

I want the kick

So tired. 5K at 8am this morning. Tired because I've been getting 10 hours of sleep for the past week, but last night only about 6. I can't nap because I'm too lazy to take out my contacts and put them back in. Plus, there's a party at my place in an hour. Oh, but I just want to sleep.

Just let me sleep here.

Despite getting beaten by an 8 year old girl (and a 9 year old girl), I think the 5K went well. You can see the race results here. To save you the extra step of clicking, I ran a 28:21 race, which works out to a 9:08 pace. The first mile felt like nothing. I picked a person to be my pacer and stuck with her (until the last quarter mile when she still had a kick left and I had nothing). This was an out-and-back race, so I got to see the leaders coming at me after they turned around - two guys, so fast! Gray shirt and red shirt, wound up with 5:26 pace. I ran track in high school, so I've seen a lot of guys with their body type (tall, thin, medium frame). They're practically made for distance running if they have the willpower. I thought these two were in high school, but they turned out to be 23. It's good to be young.

So I made it through a 5K without stopping once (thanks, flat paved trail). Reader, I think I can still run faster. The fastest mile I ever ran was 7:06 or 7:08 back in high school, and women peak physically in their mid-30s, so I've got time. I just need to figure out a way to keep my pace in the end, because I seriously slowed down in the last quarter mile. If I hadn't, I would have been under 28 minutes.

Also, I joined Planet Fitness, thanks to a deal courtesy of the friend I ran the 5K with. I love running outside, but soon a time will come when it rains all week, or when the park trails are covered in snow and ice. Plus, I need some socialization. As long as I run outside at least once a week, I think my breathing should stay okay. While I'm still running outside, I'll drop by my new gym once a week.

*With respect to Bud, my new I'm over it attitude actually works. I'm surprised.

Hula hoop'n it

Sissy gave me a new hula hoop for my birthday! I'm happy about this because:
1)My old sparkly purple one leaks water.
2)The new one is smaller so I have to work harder.
3)Hula-hooping shrinks inches from your waist.
4)The new one is orange with sparkles in it and it lights up.

Tomorrow morning is another 5K. I think it's on pavement, which will kill my knees for the next week, so not exactly looking forward to it. I love trail running. If it wasn't for the fact that it's a friend's first 5K, I wouldn't go. Just hoping I can jog in the grass on the side or something. It's still my birthday week, so I'll just try and live it up.

So far my resolutions to only move forward in year 27 have worked. But introspection and apparently Unitarian sermons(?) still make me tear up.

I'm trying to make this brown leather lace up calf length boots work. I've had them for about 6 years. I tried a tumblr thread, but got a surprising amount of porn. I usually go for classy, so how can I make these work...