dismay

Well I lowered my cable/internet bill. Probably not as low as I could have, but I was starting to dread life with absolutely no TV. Instead, I'll just have life with more limited TV.  I broke down and called them. Why can't I have just the internet and nothing else? It won't even let you do that on the website. Under-boob sweat by the end of the call from the stress, although the woman on the phone was perfectly pleasant enough. Anyway $25 a month saved for the first year. $15 for the second, for a total savings of $480 if I did the math right. Not much, but every bit helps since my biggest bills are rent and student loans.  The next time around, maybe I'll be able to get rid of the TV altogether. I'm tempted to get Netflix or DramaFever, but then what's the point of saving the money if I don't spend it on loans? The financial magazines say now it the time to live more frugally. Maybe I should put the money into my 401(k) instead? You know what I should do - I should call Verizon back and get just the internet. That's what I should do. Wait... they're closed now. Okay, tomorrow then!

Other than that, the weeks are passing by. On April Fool's Day, I went to the regular dentist for a check-up and they gave me a special toothbrush that gets into the holes where my wisdom teeth used to be. I think it will help the bottom heal. The top is fine. They showed me using a couple mirrors - it really is just 2 holes leading directly to my brain. My dad was so funny when I first came back here after getting my teeth out - he basically warned me not to kiss anyone because their germs would go directly to my brain and I'd get brain fever.

Dismay - courtesy of the Kdrama Endless Love

I totally see breaking up in my future. With the cop I've been dating I mean. The second he goes away it's radio silence. It's not going to work. I just wish it was. So basically, I know I'm going to wind up crying over continuing to see him for another week before he leaves, but I'm going to do it anyway and trust that I'll get over it. With the dating luck I've head, I can't help believing that whatever guy I meet is going to leave me anyway, so at least this one is up front about it. I would never tell a friend that every man will leave her in the end no matter what she does... Well they do say we're cruelest to ourselves. So I don't tell myself this, but I believe it (except for my father. My grandfather said no man would love me as much as my father does in my whole life, and I believe it). The only reason why I didn't cut ties with the cop is that he didn't leave when I tried to push him away when I first found out he was moving. Of course, him not leaving was probably more due to a combination of sheer stubbornness/lust, but I like to think it was because of something in me. There I go, trying to flatter myself and not really believing it. God, I see I'm not going to believe it - maybe if he told me that? Which I'm afraid to want to happen, because when you want something real bad, that's when you don't get it.

Anyway, Usher's song is appropriate. "Why you just leeeave me?" My middle sister used to sing this to me when I walked out of the room.

Plagued by allergies since around 5pm on Tuesday (watery eyes, itchy throat, runny nose, fatigue... no, I'm not crying my eyes are leaking). Bought 3 different kinds of cough drops for my sore throat this morning. One was so nasty I had to spit it out; it was the worst. One was like candy. One was okay. Also bought a store brand of Allegra that didn't seem to do much. On the other hand, I don't want to know what I'd be like if I hadn't taken it. I want this combination of medicines to allow me to sleep through the night tonight.