I'm still sad in general. Why this should be, I don't know. It's starling every time I realize I'm unhappy. I must still be an optimist, because I realize it over and over. (This morning I was reading a scene in an Anne Tyler's
Saint Maybe where the father and son buried their dog in the yard, and I started crying because it reminded me of when my dog died almost 2 years ago and we buried her).
I think I was a happy person before this summer, but these days I force myself not to be a downer. It is possible that something fundamental changed. But what changed and how do I cope with it? And how could it change that fast? At least I'm working; the novelty of my temp job is still there, but I feel it wearing away. Hopefully some of the shine sticks as I progress throughout the month.
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I'm always in a rush to self-sacrifice for somebody.
Is it because I'm the oldest child and a Libra? |
One of my school friends might be coming down next weekend and wants to get people together for lunch/drinks, including Bud. I want to see the rest of them, but I think this is going to mess me up. I might not go. I need to date other people so I can stop drifting back to my last relationship. Since the only people I meet lately (married) are coworkers, does this mean I have to internet date? But I feel like I should be able to get dates without resorting to the internet.
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| "when i see stars that's all they are..." -Some Nights |
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