defeat?

I am really bad at volleyball. I don't think I'm going to get better. I always knew I lacked coordination with round things, but wow I am the worst. I surprise myself with how bad I am. I'm tired of getting extra chances because I'm horrible.

I also ran a little. I think I'm coming back from my injury. My knee doesn't hurt. There is occasional shooting pain in random parts of both my legs right now, hours later, but I think that's just shin splints maybe? Because I took so much time to recover, I can't run too far these days. I'm still in shape though, so at least there's that.

would you like a hot beverage?

Ugh. Am I weird in that I don't feel like talking all the time, but I like to be around people?

Just finished watching the Jdrama, Last Cinderella. I thought the last two episodes would be the pinnacle of tears, but it turns out I've just been watching too many Kdramas. Crazy girl suddenly got some sense even though no one sent her to a shrink like I've been begging them to all season. I still think the step-sibling relationship is hella crazy, but that narrative thread was dropped so, I guess I'll forget about it.

Ran a tiny bit today because it was 93 degrees at 5pm. Work was busy again, but I got more done than I expected. I made it through the emails from Monday all the way to 10am today. Progress. It's lonely at work without BH sharing the office, but I got so many phone calls that the time flew past and I didn't even get to wave goodbye.

Going to try a new hair mixture that PM told me about. She's sissy's friend but more a family friend at this point, and her hair is always beautiful these days:
2tbp aloe juice
2tbp leave in conditioner
2tsp jojoba oil
2tsp castor oil
The oils can be substituted with other ones from Sally's.
Also, she mixes aloe juice and water at a 1:1 ratio and sprays it on her hair beforehand. Yes, I'm black.

the 3rd day of summer

Been avoiding going to the grocery store. Don't feel my best since my diet is like 1000 calories. Going to go as soon as I eat something.

Been writing letters, where I pour out random feelings to people who are my friends, but we'd never talk about any of this in person. Well... wait, we would if we had enough time, but my friendships these days are meet, catch up, time to go. Never time to really talk. All the letters are clouded by my poor nutrition. I need a woman to come and tell me what to buy and then take me to the grocery store and force me to buy it and then maybe I won't exist in half-starvation.

I haven't gone outside since Friday.

"He left the house and rowed slowly back across the water, resting on his oars from time to time to let the fresh afternoon wind dry his skin. Poor Mattie, to have lost all those years and years of glorious summer days."
--Drowning Ruth, by Christina Schwarz

i can't serve under pressure

Another Wednesday - played volleyball and I was actually worse than last time. I was fine while warming up, but then when the games started I got the ball over the net once. Once. Everyone was looking at me... the pressure. On the other hand, I think volleyball is really friendly and doesn't aggravate my knee.  Afterwards we went running for a little. Since I can't run down hills, I was behind, but it was all good as the two guys went off together. I took the shortcut back. Discovered a dog tick crawling up my leg. I am so over ticks. Please let there be no more on me. I got CH to promise to take me for a ride in his car, which is gorgeous. That's a plus, but it's not even the car - it's when he shifts gears. Oh wow, I have a crush.

You know what really grinds my gears? When...

I came home and one of my neighbors - the one with the little dogs that bark - was on the porch grilling steak and chicken. It's not advisable to take food from a strange man, but I was hungry. Anyway, there were plenty of witnesses and I survived. I'm currently putting off: washing the dishes, taking a shower, folding the laundry, and washing my hair while I wait for the steak to cook a little more in the oven. I don't do red meat. And now he asked me for $40. Nothing is free!

Worst morning commute ever - took me an extra hour to get to work thanks to the fact that people can't merge. By the time I passed the scene of the accident, the firemen were standing around joking and having a good time. At least I'd stopped at the grocery store, so I had food.

"I don't even have any real friends - except you Rajah"

Ran on Sunday in Hibernia Park - still my favorite place to run. It's like I invested all my relationship emotion there - both during and after my last relationship. And now the place is dearer than a friend. My knee injury hasn't gone away still, so I could only run 1.25 miles before it started to work, and then I had to walk back. Disappointing, but I hope the next time I go there, I can run my regular 3 miles. DS in the running group loaned me some KT tape, which I'll try out tomorrow for volleyball and a short jog - hoping the placebo effect works. Also hoping I make real friends down here soon - people keep asking me if I'm lonely. I must look really lonely?

Today I was wearing a pair of test contacts. All was fine during the day, but on my commute home just as I was about to get on the parkway, my right eye was irritated. I rubbed it a little. Didn't go away. So I thought something was stuck in the corner of my eye and rubbed that. My contact came out on my finger.  Luckily, it was raining and I'd left just before 5, so traffic was super slow and I was able to take out my other contact and shove on my glasses. Too bad my glasses make me feel sick. Next year, I will definitely change my glasses prescription as well. I need to have a reliable backup.

Sissy brought back T.O.P socks from Japan. Now they match my GD socks.

They approve.

Yes, I love Aladdin (see title). Recently, I discovered free movies onDemand which are all old, but have no commercials. Yesterday after work I got my eyes dilated, so I drove home and watched (blurry) "Four Weddings and a Funeral" and then "Tremors" for the 20th time. John Hannah is in Four Weddings and I love him from The Mummy, so I called him Uncle John the whole time. I laughed - I cried. Good movie. Made me want to read some Auden.