got to man up

At work, all was deceptively good until around 1:30pm. Stress! The email crush put me in such a pissy mood. I'll have to to run every day this week. How else am I going to get through it? So much for cute hair. I'll toss on a headband and call it a day.

The running group was all chatty, but I couldn't bring myself to speak much. When I'm trying to stop myself from ranting, I internalize. We're not exactly friends, so I can't just go unburdening my frustration on near strangers. Ugh. I'm so bored lately I drink vodka for kicks - I'm sure the alcohol's going straight to my waist. I need to stop, but I can't run 24/7, so what else do I do? This is why people need hobbies.

After running, I went back to work. For the first time, I dreaded walking in the door to my building. My feet dragged walking up to the 3rd floor. And then after putting in my time, I even felt like another quick run. If it hadn't been so cold, I would have.

Maybe it's time for retail therapy? But I won't because after I make it home and shower, I don't want to leave again. Let me just shower and sleep right now instead of trying to find another drama addiction.

I'm in real trepidation regarding BG's grad party. I know I'm going to be disappointed whatever happens. But how will I deal with it? I don't know. I need something to take my mind off it so I don't build it bigger and bigger. Please say it's not too late. For my own sanity, I must plan a quirky fun outfit tomorrow. I wore a cheetah print skirt today - love the cut of the skirt even if I felt self-conscious in the print. Man up, girl!

peppermint

Frustrated for no reason lately, so I run. I want to be outside, so I run. This may be because I don't have much else to do. I should be writing, but I lack inspiration, thankfully not like Vic Zhou's character in Wish To See You Again. Physically, Vic reminds me of Lee Jin-wook in Nine: Nine Time Travels. I think they're the same age too. Vic Zhou is higher on my list only because I've loved 2 of his dramas and only one of Lee Jin-wook's. Mars may be my #1 T-drama, despite Vic's horrible hair cut. Favorite J-dorama is Pride (2004).  I've seen too many K-dramas to have a favorite, but right now I find myself watching bits of Faith over and over, most likely because it was the drama I watched directly post-breakup. It's certainly not because of the plot, acting, production, or eye candy.

I've never gotten up the guts to drink a shot of anything before, so tonight I did. It really does burn.

My stomach won't stop hurting. I need some peppermint.

I need some friends.

I can only lol at myself.

and admit that Lee Jin-wook is hotter than Vic.

27 months

I finally got to run! CH was the only other runner. Thunderstorms made it impossible to run Tuesday and Wednesday, so I don't understand how people were not tripping over themselves to get out the door. I might run tomorrow too, although no one from the group does on Fridays. Today we went a little less than 3 miles because it started to downpour. We ran inside a building, but ugh - it was warm inside and the sweat was just... This is the only thing about the running group:  I have only seen these people while we're all in gym clothes and sweaty (except for one time). Not the most flattering... I bet they think I'm a total frump.

It's been months since I've gotten rained out of a run. It felt kind of good.  Of course a half hour later the sky was blue and the clouds were fluffy and there I was - stuck in traffic on the parkway.

A J M W Turner painting. I mostly love his stuff.

Found a free budget template. I have a steady income, but I just don't spend it. The template gives me saving goals. New (to me) car, here I come in 27 months!

thank you, Anne Tyler

Tuesday it poured.
Today it poured.

I didn't get to run.

AHhhh!  I need to.

Instead I came home, cooked surprisingly ornate meals for weeknights, and read "Amateur Marriage" by Anne Tyler. I consistently love Anne Tyler's novels, which are mostly set in Baltimore, close to the neighborhood where I went to undergrad for 4 years. They feel like a part of me.

AB once told me to stop reading sad books. I can't help it if those are the best ones. I sincerely cried through the last two chapters of Amateur Marriage. Not the endless tears of depression which I know so well, but heartbreak tears - the kind that come with gasping and snot and sweat and your voice is all messed up afterwards.

Thank you, Anne Tyler.

From "The Beginner's Goodbye," Anne Tyler. 

Outside about a half hour ago there was arguing in Spanish and the tiny dogs in the apartment on the corner were barking hysterically. I think it was the couple who live two doors down from me and have twin boys that I see playing outside with their dad sometimes. Then a sound like a hit and then silence; I've never been hit by a man - I don't know that sound except from TV so maybe it was just the door slamming. I didn't see anything. What do I do? Just keep an ear out, I guess.

like a K-drama villain

They left me! I had a 3:30 meeting, but it only lasted 20 minutes, so I was all set to go running. I got there 5 minutes early, but they figured I wouldn't make it so they'd already started running. Boo. I ran 5K by myself around the campus instead. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy running by myself, but I don't enjoy getting left. My office mate was kind of pissy today, so I just wanted to be around relaxed people. Wasn't meant to be. For the last mile, this random guy was using me to pace. Just pass me! He stayed about 50 yards back so I couldn't hear him breathing or anything, but I knew he was there. It did put the pressure on me to keep running though. It was kind of flattering - most runners just pass me since I only run like 9:45 mile pace. Random guy, can we be friends?

I came home and somehow started watching Live Free or Die Hard (2007) and now I can't stop, even though it's all cut up into commercials so it lasts extra long. Right now a snazzy fighter pilot is trying to kill Bruce Willis and destroying millions of dollars in highway infrastructure. Oops. Total engine failure. Commercial. I have to wake up at 6am, but I've come too far to stop now. I sound like a K-drama villain.

I was driving home thinking how this time last year I was in the beginning stages of dating Bud. Oh, I wish I could date CH. I want to date someone, but I not anyone, and so for the time being I find myself alone. Ah well, at least I have a cute apartment.

I haven't seen the spider in the car or any webs for the past 2 days. Doesn't mean it's not there.