holding feeling running shopping interesting drinking

I ran for the first time since 2/2/14. Why? Well it was warm outside and I felt like it. Why didn't I run for almost 2 months? Well it was cold outside so I didn't feel like it - I hate when snot dribbles down my face and I have to run holding tissues.

Feeling kind of sick because I had pizza, wine, ice cream, and tea for dinner. I need to get control of my diet. Hopefully I can run twice a week now and I'll lose some weight. I was definitely in a plateau before. Hopefully my knees will be okay. I'll try running at work on Tuesday.

It's supposed to rain all day tomorrow but I have a grocery shopping mission. It was supposed to rain all day today and that didn't happen. Wow I am not interesting at all when I've been drinking.

3/27 won't come round again til next year

3/27. You know 27 is my favorite number, right? 3^3=27. It seems like something miraculous should happen today. I opened a wine bottle for the first time in my life. I don't know how I got this far without doing that - there was always somebody else around who wanted to open it. It wasn't as hard as everyone made it look. Simple machines - I love them. Now if I get a bottle opener, my alcohol collection will be complete.

Trying to find a car seat for an 8 month old, just to borrow for a few days, but I might have to buy it. I only have one friend with a kid around here, and she just had the baby Tuesday.

Went by the Amish market and it was closed! Say it ain't so. I love that place. I was looking forward to it the whole drive home. It's where I get my fruit. Maybe tomorrow.

SC emailed me about meeting up. I don't really see the point. I mean, if I at least felt some chemistry toward him then I wouldn't mind not being interested in the words that come out of his mouth. But I don't. And wow that was mean. But I'd rather be alone than forcing myself to be with someone. But maybe he just wants to be friends. I don't know. I mostly think he's just bored and can't meet enough girls, so he's falling back on me. Well there's a whole state full of them, dude.

My mom says she'll help me build some furniture. I'm up for that. I can't bring myself to buy the weak looking bookshelves in the crappy furniture places. And yet the quality stuff costs more than it's worth. First world problems.

dinner, high hopes

When I was driving home, I thought of a dinner meal. Is this really a meal? It tasted fine to me:
whole wheat rotini pasta
beef bouillon cube
bell pepper
omega3 oil
marinara sauce
curry powder
red pepper flakes
Parmesan cheese
And I even had some leftover for work tomorrow. So far my meal tomorrow is leftover today's dinner, apple slices, and a belvita bar. I have high hopes that I will be able to leave at 4:30 tomorrow for the first time in 2 weeks. High hopes. Mayhap I'll even get to do my hair.

i cooked with the orange one

I told my family that I started painting with the paints and paper I got from Walmart and they made a surprisingly big deal about it. I now own legitimate paints, leftover from my artist sister who has decided she doesn't want to paint anymore. She moved on to glassblowing a while back. At any rate, I started painting just to get out some aggression, so I'm not trying to change my purpose. I just want fill my apartment with pretty pictures. It's going to take a while. I guess if I fill it and then my mom takes some, it'll be fine. I want to paint another imitation Van Gogh. I don't think my mom's a huge Van Gogh fan, but my middle sister seems to really like it for some reason, so she'll take it!

barefoot

Those paintings I painted the other day, I really like them. They're so cheerful, I want to cover my whole apartment in cheerful paintings. Wow this is going to take me a long time :-). It takes a while since I have to draw everything first to get an idea of the layout, but the results are worth it. Maybe I can get this place looking halfway decent and homey before my cousin YN comes in 2 weeks. Fingers crossed.

I stayed at work until just before 7 yesterday and today. Still can't finish everything! I have this weird drive that makes me try to do everything. Rewarding myself with Barefoot Refresh Perfectly Pink wine. Yum.

mmmm. try them all!

Found the only poem I ever wrote that I was ever emotionally invested in. Well, that I remember being invested in. Need to revise the title though.

i don't want to read a certain book

Another snow day spent half teleworking. If it wasn't busy season... Got about 6-8inches. 3 out of 4 of the paintings from yesterday turned out well. For the tall mountains with the waterfalls I couldn't convey the depth. They don't look like mountains and a waterfall with clouds at the top and the ocean below, not even an artist rendition of it. I'll have to paint it again later. Maybe I'll try another flower thing, or the JMW turner thing - I'm going to run out of blue soon. I have a dark blue and a pale blue and then of course black and white to vary the colors. It's not a huge deal since the paints cost like $1.99 in the first place. I'm scared to read the wild west book I loaned from the library. I was expecting a Cormac McCarthy - esque western, but this novel is brutal. Yeah, you can argue that Cormac McCarthy's "No Country for Old Men" was brutal, but it didn't draw out the characters - you didn't get attached to them first before they were tortured and cut down. I mean, I loved McCarthy's "Cities of the Plain" - I freaking cried at the end of it. But if I wind up crying at the end of the western I might maybe read it'll just be because I was so scarred. It kind of reminds me of when I saw Ang Lee's Lust Caution back in 2007 - I cared about the main character and I was scarred by all she went through. No movie in all of my adult movie-watching experience has traumatized me like Lust Caution; this was before I probably even knew internet porn existed. I was really young, people! Also, I can't bear to watch war movies where I don't even know the characters who are dying. Don't make me get all invested in a girl's story and then do horrible things to her.

and goodnight...

Started watching "Let's Eat" again after I heard it does turn into a little bit of a romance. I need just a little. Also, how do I now know 3 members of B2ST purely from dramas? I don't think they act often, but when they do they get the lead roles.

smear

4 drawing/painting pieces today. At least I'm taking decoration steps. Although the decorating looks more like a college art project and less like adult decorating. But I gave up on adult decorating practically before I tried starting to adult decorate. I really wonder what the paint in that set is made of - am I really just wetting chalk with water and smearing it around construction paper? It comes off on my fingers even after it's dry.

this painting looks different in different lights. i painted it tho

Snowing outside and we're supposed to get 3-6in. Not again. Every time I clean snow off the car I sincerely believe it's the last time. Too close to the definition of insanity for comfort?

In other news, on James Morrison's facebook page he said he was going to surprise everyone with his new music. But James! I feel like I've barely learned how to appreciate your third CD. I don't have all the hours of listening that it requires. I don't know every single word without thinking yet.

girls

So I watched my free hbo again and this time it was a Girls marathon. I don't know if I like the show, but it's compelling. It made me laugh once. As far as tv shows go, even Psych is only making me laugh once an episode these days, and that's not in a surprising way. It's more in an expected way. But Girls. I am such a conservative compared to all the stuff going down in that show, and it's just a bunch of white people in NYC doing stuff. I saw one gay black guy and that was it in terms of minorities, which is a criticism that I remember hearing before I ever watched the show. That same same similarity was brought up in The Mindy Project, which I like better for entertainment value b/c it's straight comedy, while Girls is drama. I'm a comedy type of girl, my personal life being serious enough.

I painted some flowers on yellow construction paper with my walmart paint set. Then I painted the Oahu landscape on a post card I sent myself when I was in Hawaii and I remembered about mixing colors to get the one you want. It's all very kid-like, but I'll make a mural I tell you. Warped construction paper paintings.

Drank half a bottle of some pink Barefoot moscato, so feeling swimmy.

i'd rather have bubble tea

post Apollo13 experience

I just watched Apollo13 (1995) for the first time since Mr. Anthony showed it to my 8th grade science class. I cried so much more this time.  It felt more personal, considering where I work. Also, if the world didn't love Tom Hanks in 1995, it certainly loves him now. By that I mean, I just feel happy when I look at him, and I think about Woody from Toy Story (1995) or Wilson the volleyball (2000's Castaway). Wow 1995 was a good year for Tom Hanks. Also, I love Gary Sinise since an English teacher showed Of Mice and Men (1992) to my 11th grade class. Yeah, I think Gary Sinise is hot. He's been married longer than I've been alive, but maybe he has a lookalike son! Dang it, his son is '90. Not the right age. Ah well.

Gary Sinese in some movie or other

Anyway, I also love Kevin Bacon. I shouldn't even have to say why. You should know why. You know why.

yeah. you know you know

Anyway, I worked 10 hours every day except for 1 with a cold this week. I think I can take that April vacation day without using any vacation hours. Good or sad? I don't know how BH did it last year - and I don't know how I'm going to do it this year. The new application definitely helps - if only I could kick MS off the development team and replace him with a clone of FN. I'm tired of having to tell him everything twice. How dumb is he? Okay, he might not be dumb, but for a programmer his attention to detail sure is lacking. A mistake once in a while is fine, but EVERY SINGLE TIME? No.  I need to go to the virtual library and rent a happy book. I wish Jennifer Crusie would write some more novels.

what is spirulina? too lazy to google it

Haven't written in days because I've been sick. I try not to be a baby about it, but I get sick so rarely that I have to go and make a production. The whole time I'm doing it, I'm trying to reign myself in. I always knew I had a tendency to embellish.  Anyway, the only thing unique about this sickness is that my sense of taste went away for 5, maybe 6 days. I say maybe 6 because it's been going in and out today. I've also been semi-delirious b/c work really got busy. Today was the first day I didn't work until 6:30.

The time change is nice in that when I leave work, it's still light. It's mean in that when I wake up it's pitch black. I normally feel worst in the morning, and being sick compounds it - on Tuesday I actually woke up, went to turn off my alarm, and fell asleep in a really uncomfortable position, then woke up 2 hours later.  Yeahhh... did not get to work at my usual time - I looked so bad off that my boss asked if I was even okay enough to be there. That's how you know it's bad. Was so happy when taste came back, if only for a half hour yesterday. I can now empathize more with the evil pirates in the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie who lost two senses - taste and touch. Not sure about smell. But if you can't smell, then you can't taste, so they probably lost that too. What's the use of eating when you can't taste anything? You do it only for the calories. I had a horrible protein smoothie that I'm so glad I couldn't taste: wheatgrass, spirulina, barley something. I must have been sick to buy that.

these were probably in there too

Had to miss LB's baby shower. Gosh, I still have to think for a bit to remember her married name. But she got the present I sent and we had lunch on Tuesday, so hoping I can make it up to her some other time. She's due in April, so I'm going to miss seeing her at work. I'm glad her pregnancy is going so well - one of my cousins was pregnant with twins and I know she was on bedrest by this point in her pregnancy.

My brother turned 27 yesterday - my lucky number. Wow, I need to remember to call him.  I only sent a text, which of course he never responded to.

Today was 63, but tomorrow's high is 32, so I need to prep for the cold. I'm more used to it anyway. It's become comforting to hang out in all those layers. There was a torrential downpour this afternoon, so I'm hoping that cleaned a lot of the salt off the car. I have a dark blue car, so it's been looking shameful. Every time I get in it, I swear I'm going to the car wash the next warm day. Do car washes take plastic yet? Or do I need a bunch of quarters?

Lent, dinosaurs, because I can

One year work anniversary. Got good emails.
Ah, what am I going to give up for Lent? Ash Wednesday is tomorrow and I still haven't decided. Got a list:

• Add 30min exercise/day
• Add 30 min meditation
• Only 1 starch per meal
• 1/2 scoop of sugar in my tea
• No coffee
• No bread
• Only thrift shopping
• Only mindful eating

I don't think I drink coffee enough to give it up. I don't think I eat bread enough either (though I have since I bought a loaf of oatmeal bread - wow that stuff is good with cheddar cheese). The exercise challenge could work, but I've done that before. I've also given up bread before. I like Lent because I look at it as a mind over body / willpower thing. It proves to myself that I have determination. That's one of the reasons why I want to do a PhD - to prove to myself that I can. I've probably focused on PhD as a worthy challenge because I have so many friends who are Drs or in the process of becoming doctors. And also one of my cousins. If I can do it, why not? I don't think for one minute that I can't. I realize this is why they created dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. Yeah, if I was one of those scientists, I'd probably have happily gone up in there creating dangerous animals that later ate me instead of listening to Jeff Goldblum and his chaos theory.

i found him so freaking attractive

Just because you can, is not a reason to do something. I'd also do it for the money. Wow. Yes, I hear myself. And for the fact that I'd be able to do interesting research. I like my work environment but all this giant organizational mess with the rules rules rules isn't what I want to learn about in particular. I do believe that life is about learning, and if I got the PhD, I could learn more than bureaucracy... and yes most certainly that too. By the way, bureaucracy is not easy to spell - my first try was bureocracy.

S is now texting me again. Just randomly today. Why do I text back? I know I'm not attracted to him. Maybe he's at the friend level? No clue. As long as I stay at it, I'm fine. And to stay there, all I have to do is thinking about the New Year's Day barfing episode. Hours I tell you, hours long.

happy b-day, pop

Happy birthday to my father! He said it's his first sober birthday in a while. I was honestly surprised. He must get quietly tipsy because I must have been standing right there and never noticed. I did indulge in a drink in his honor... which I just realize I didn't finish and need to go downstairs and consume or throw out. I spent a cozy day inside as work was closed. And on days where work is closed, I get paid even if I don't telework. Since it's work's busy season, I worked for about 4 hours at the kitchen table and then stopped. Good feeling that.

In other news, I now have free HBO for 4 months. The cable company's plot is to get me super addicted and then cut me off cold turkey after 6/30/14. I know it - and yet I listened to the first Hobbit while working today. Then it came on again so I listened up to the part where I'd started (I can't resist Elijah Wood as Frodo). And then I watched the end of a Billy Crystal family movie which was calculated to make you cry with joy at all the family bonding, which I did. And then I watched Epic, which was cute if predictable - there were some good jokes and I can never underestimate Aziz Ansari's power to channel the funny. He cracks me up on Parks and Rec, and here he was a slug - ew but funny. Then I said enough was enough and made myself lunch for the next 3 days. Nothing like lentils and rice.

Oh, and at some point in there I cleaned off my car and moved the snow away from the front of the car so it'll be able to get out tomorrow. That road is going to be solid ice b/c it was covered in slush when I went out. Not looking forward to that tomorrow morning. A nice man helped me - I didn't really need any help, but if you're going to clean off my car a little while I just stand there and watch, then I'll just stand there and watch. I had on a hat that completely covered my hair, which makes me racially ambiguous. I've been taken as Black, Indian, Dominican, half Black/half white, and too-mixed-to-tell. But I sound completely Americanized; moving around as a child removed any regional accent I might have picked up. Try and guess, strangers. Try and guess.