except on party business

This winter shape up 2014 workout program is no joke. My body aches. It's like I gained 20 years - I'm all achy in the morning and I can't move fast until my joints warm up. The act of sitting down is the worst. Can't wait until I'm in shape and it goes away. Tomorrow is a rest day, but if it's warm enough, I'll just go for a short run post-work, and then my hair needs definite attention.

I had no weekend plans, and now I might have 2. Yay for things that get me out of my cozy apt. Last weekend I did grocery shopping Saturday morning and then basically never left again until Monday! One event this weekend is official party business, but the other one is a maybe / maybe not meet-up with CS.

LOTR is relevant to everything

Because there's so much food at work, I'm really trying to breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper. My version is more regular person breakfast, king of lunch, and tea plus dark chocolate for dinner. Dark chocolate with sea salt. Yeah, I realize all salt comes from the sea, but sea salt right there on the package makes it sound poetic.

you tart, you

Brain surgery is going around. Successful ones luckily. All those days of starving and today I got free food at work from 3 different places. The potluck was the best.

I got Donna Tartt's book from the library. I had to place a hold on it, which I did maybe a month or two ago. And now I shall finally be able to read it. I mainly want to read it because The Secret History is one of my favorite novels and I'm waiting for her to write something again that blows me away.

I was moody today. I had to go to a lab meeting and socialize for 45 minutes while trying to stuff myself with green beans. I gave up. I didn't. I mostly thought about brain surgery and how there aren't enough women in science. A room full of scientists and only 4 including me were women. 3 including me were Black. 3 were Asian. How do boys do so poorly in grade school, but then by college there are like 2 girls in the higher level math and science classes? I should know - I've been one of the two girls. Is it like this in other countries?

Wondering. Wondering about that phd. At this point it won't happen unless I reach out and contact the university. Should I let this chance slip away? Is it a chance? I guess I just want permanence, and that's just an illusion, a thing I thought existed. I wish school would give that to me, but I'd have the degree and then still search for a job, bounce around, I don't want to bounce around with uncertainty, which is why the military lifestyle appeals to me. You're bouncing around with certainty, with purpose, with the security that you'll have a job, with minimal risk.

I started the Winter Shape Up 2014 program on Monday and I am sore. It lasts for a month. I don't mind because I need to get toned again. I still fit in my clothes, but what if that's only because my body is gradually stretching them? It should be warm enough by Friday for me to run outside. Yay to the yay.

i could do that.

42 - the answer to the question of life, the universe, and everything

Having my own address means getting a bunch of mail. I used to love that Blues Clues "Mail Time" song. I still really love getting mail, but I've become selective, as in, I love getting letters/cards/notes from people I actually know. Today after work I threw on my anorak coat and ventured to the mailbox before I got to used to the warmth of inside, and there was a whole bunch of mail in my box.

this is basically the coat

Since I moved here, I've lived in a state of perpetual guilt towards the mailman because I don't check the mail every day. Heck, I don't even check it every other day.  Anyway, instead of the usual junk mail (insurance stuff, grocery store sales, etc.), I got some goodies:

• EG's book
• new baby card from E and P (naked baby pics are still happening)

And then I got some goodies that were only "good" in a practical way... like tax forms and rental insurance agreements. Why do they print it all out on separate pages? Such a waste of trees. We could at least do double sided. And the paper feels so nice - there's no way it's recycled.

Mail time was good time today. Also, how is is that 36 degrees this morning felt positively balmy? The ability of humans to adapt continues to shock me. A little over a month ago I was in 80 degree Hawaii and feeling cold at night, when let's face it, the low was 72. And now here I am feeling that a scarf was overdressing for 36. At least my body is prepared for tomorrow's high of 18. If this is what global warming brings in the winter, then I am sorry I ever was the tiniest bit glad that it was warming because I thought that meant I would be warmer. Yes - I'm ashamed okay? That was before I got a master's in geography and wrote a thesis in the environmental planning field. But oh even during the time I was earning my degree I still reveled in warm weather. I have problems, okay? Leave me alone in my shame.

Am flipping back and forth on online dating. Mostly because I don't know if I even want to. I know I want to hang out with friends. The times I wish there was a man around are when I have to shovel snow or fix a car. That's not a good reason to start dating.  Ever since I was little, I've heard people talking about how you get too old to live with anyone b/c you can't adjust and compromise. I now see how that could happen, because I don't have to compromise with anyone right now and I'm loath to change that. Also, I talked with my sisters and I don't have to get married until I'm 42 now, so the pressure's off. And as always, breaking up is hard to do.

in case of frostbite

I've been writing more with a pen lately, so slacking off on becoming an adult. On trying to become an adult, which is what this writing exercise was supposed to be. Also, having a blog that I have to write isn't as fun frankly. I guess once it becomes work, the fun gets taken out of it. Which is how all things are I suppose.

I want spring so bad.

Still so much ice in the parking lot. Pulling in and out of a spot is a decided crunch. Spent only 2 days at work this past week due to the snow and it being code blue. Made some real progress with this monster excel file which I'm only mentioning because you can't make progress unless you have unreal attention to detail and figure out logic. I admit when I first started working I didn't even want to try to understand If() statements, but now I'm reasoning out what a formula is doing much easier. It's progress, and it may bring me closer to being not so horrible at computer programming. I don't want to computer program, I just hate that there is something which defeats me soundly every time I try it. Math is that thing for a lot of people, but I was a math major, so I guess it had to be something else. At least it's not writing.

Woke up and went to walmart in style this morning. I had a list that I'd made and I managed to get most key things on it, except for bouillon cubes, which they were flat out of. That's the trouble with walmart and why I'll have to stop at a weis or something on my way back from goodwill-ing tomorrow.

Have started pestering AC to go with me to a Wizards game. I am prepared to spent up to $100 on my ticket. I am prepared to go any day that she has off. I've never been to an NBA game before, and I want to do it right. They cost more than baseball games if you want to get good seats. I wonder if it's better to buy ahead, or to wait until you get there and see if they have any good seats left. That's what I did for that Orioles game I went to last summer with MC. We wound up in the outfield, but in the first row of the outfield. I like sports games b/c you're so close to other people that you make acquaintances. In the case of the wizards, we have to go soon b/c they're so bad that I doubt they'll make it into the playoffs. I don't even know who's on the wizards, so at this point I'll be going for the sake of the other team. I just googled them, and I don't know a single player. Yes, this will be for the sake of the other team, and can I bring some binoculars?

For the extreme cold that's sticking around, I need to take AK's advice and buy some mittens. Or start wearing 2 pairs of gloves at once. Every time I spend more than a minute or so outside my fingers start to ache. I see why they're the first to go in a case of frostbite.

the top of my list

Snow days spoil me. I hope tomorrow there's a delay and I get to stay home and telework instead of going in. Yes, I am actually lazy.  Half the time I wish I could just go home (my parents' home) and lie around for two months. Then I'd be ready to work again.

Started freaking out because I suddenly started to itch. I looked at my leg and I think there's hives. It has to be the orange juice I just drank. I mean, other than that I only had rice and there's no way that I'm allergic to rice. The orange juice might be expired. Anyway, I started frantically looking around for a Benadryl and lo and behold, I don't have any. So that's on the top of my list the next time I stop by the grocery store. And I was just in Walmart this morning, but stupidly I didn't buy any medicine at all. I need my mom to make me a list of the items I should always have on hand. That'll prevent the freakout - because if I did have a real allergic reaction, I'd have to call an ambulance since the apartment complex has not yet shoveled or plowed anything at all.

they plowed nothing, i tell you

Must sleep now because I have to wake up at the regular time and probably shovel snow. If there's a delay, I still have to do that. If there's not a delay, I am going to be late to work. If the center is closed (which I doubt), then I'll sleep in and not bother to go outside until noon.

email email type-type-type

I have never written more emails than I have since I got my first full-time job. So much of business is centered around email communication, and then I come home and there are more emails to write. It's a good thing I took that typing class in 12th grade, because I just don't see how you can be successful at work without being able to type at least 60wpm, and I know I'm faster than 60. Every so often, I take one of those typing tests.  Let me do one now...

from typingtest.com

And there you have it. I'm convinced that most people in their 20s have the capability to type just as fast as me, because just when I get all cocky and think I'm fast, I listen to the typing of the person on the keyboard next to me in a public library and realize I'm slow as bones.  Yeah, I said slow as bones.

i was going to find a pic of actual bones, but this is what tumblr gave me instead

birthday minute!

free hbo day

HBO is free this weekend and I'm an addict. I even watched Warm Bodies(2013) again. I like that movie, but it creeps me out. I start thinking about how very big the windows are in my apartment and how they'd never hold up against a zombie apocalypse. And then I get scared, tell myself it's irrational because of all things to be afraid of, there's a lot worse than zombies, but it only semi works. There are many more things to be scared of: burglars, rapists, muggers, identity theft, cancer, operations, doctor's appointments. All of these are more likely than a zombie apocalypse, and yet I'm still scared. It's night and I'm convinced they'd be attracted to the light. Anyway, good movie.

I also watched that Rise of the Guardians movie that came out around Christmas last year, and I must be pms-ing because I was in tears for the last 30 minutes. I mean tears where I had to get up and get the tissue box because I got all snotty. Jack Frost's story was just so sad, I mean he died and when he remembered how, he wasn't even sad. But I was sad. So sad. I also watched a 2008 National Geographic special about that Indian girl who was born with 8 limbs instead of 4 because she had a parasitic twin and everyone treated her as the reincarnation of the goddess Laksmi, and then she had to get surgery. I remember when that happened, my mom followed the story on the news. She was such a pretty toddler - I wonder how she's doing now. Well I hope. Walking on her own I hope by now.

Trying to write a bio for my other blog and failing. I'm trying not to give out any real information, because once you put it on the internet, it's there forever. And ever. And ever. So it's best not to put anything out there. I mean, facebook is bad enough with leaking personal data. And with the whole Target thing, I've been advised to check my credit score because damnit I did go to Target once between Thanksgiving and Christmas, to buy airplane sized things for the Hawaii trip. What if my credit/debit card information and other personal information was stolen? What if I'm one of the 75K or however many people they said it was on NPR. Yes, I listen to NPR, actually kind of regularly. It's because I'm stuck in traffic so much that all the radio songs are the same. I need to be told a story to stay awake, and NPR it is. I wish their story hours came on at rush hour instead of just the same news I heard in the morning.

cone of shame

Sending the negotiation email made the lease go down by about $60. Can I get $30 more? Especially when they keep threatening that the other utilities are going to go up. All that searching and I still only have the one apt complex that I could live in. Ugh, it's just that I'm not a huge fan of this area in general. It's too crowded. If only work was located in the country - or I could telework 2 days out of the week. Then it would be work it to live somewhere with a farther commute. Wow I am a country person. I just get so tired of all the people when I walk outside. Who knows how bad it'll be by the time I'm 80. I wonder if I have the finances to buy a place, and then rent it out while I live somewhere I want to live. My parents did it, and they still rent a place in VA Beach. The difference is, my dad can fix things, although it's not like he fixed the place when we lived in Ft. Leavenworth or RI. On the other hand, I could marry up. Oh how everyone wants to do that - it's never going to happen. I can't even find a man I'm attracted to, much less one I want to marry. My hormones are freaking picky.

...

Okay I called home and talked to my sister to make me feel better. Any one of my family members are equally as great to talk to in terms of dragging me out of depression, and she got genuine laughter out of me when she described Darcy's reaction to wearing a knee brace and the cone of shame. Poor doggie.

from Up

apt searching less than a year after the last time. sigh

I'm starting to get ideas for my lease negotiation letter. I'll make an outline of the structure next, then send the leasing office an email, where I add the formal letter as an attachment.

Also, I found an apartment complex I could live in that's not going to break the bank and is closer to work. It wouldn't be the ideal commute, but neither is the one I have now - I'm just used to it. I'd get used to a new one. Plus, the potential new place has a river jogging trail. As long as it's not crime-ridden, I'd like that. So we'll see. I still haven't gone to work and asked around yet either (since today was basically a snow day). So I have plans. I won't wind up on the streets.

Ugh, I wish there were good jobs near where my family lives. Nothing like family, which is why AC is moving back to NJ in a year. I understand, I just miss her already. If I said that, she'd say I'm ridiculous, which is fair. Just because I'm missing my girlfriends, MW will probably find a job in CA and move away again too. And then both my sisters plan to become ex-patriots when they're done with school. Waaah - how did this happen?

How?

this post is pure thinking

One minute you're feeling satisfied with your lot in life, and the next your apt complex wants to increase your rent by $120 per month, a snowstorm dumps 5 inches outside, and no one shovels anything but you, plus the windchill is -1 outside, so your fingers actually ache when you come inside and all the warnings of frostbite rings in your head, and then you forgot to write down one of your work passwords, so you can't work, and your car won't go anywhere, so you'll have to make up the hours later now.

Even if you now have to start aggressively apartment hunting again, this time probably for a one bedroom apt, at least there's the chance of negotiation. At least you have somewhere to live until the lease runs out. At least S isn't contacting you so maybe he's not going to and you'll never have to deal with that again. You know when you wish he would hook up with random girls, but know it could never happen b/c of how cheesy he is, and wish he was cooler so that he could get them, and you're not one iota jealous, that it's better for you if he never calls. Please let's start 2014 fresh.

$120 though. And it wasn't so easy to write that blog for the professional website after all. With the stress, it started out pointless, just a way to calm really, and doesn't have many lessons about writing in it at all. It's mostly you imagining you were somewhere where there are no bills and mean strangers. But that place doesn't exist. Oz isn't it. Or Neverland. Or Wonderland. One thing children's stories teach is there's always someone being mean somewhere.

There. At least I hear them shoveling the sidewalk. Maybe I will only have to shovel my small walkway now. Maybe they'll even shovel that, but I doubt it. They're gone now. That was fast.

Anyway, I half want to cry. I did want to cry last night when I got the email. But if anyone will calm me down from being ridiculous, it's my father and AC. I readily admit that I need a damper put on my imagination sometimes.  I'm reading a post-apocalyptic book where everyone kills each other on sight and the only people who survive are the mean ones. The narrator isn't a mean one, but made an alliance with one, and that's really the only reason he's still alive. I'm not even halfway through it, but I love the writing style. It's unconventional b/c everyone died of the flu, which the main character, Hig, had, but somehow survived. He said it cooked his brains though, which I believe because his thoughts, sentences just end. It's first person. I like it a lot.

"Maybe I like you.... Maybe I like you a lot." - Major Payne

Can't wait to see the new Sherlock season.

2013 wrap-up VS 2014 intro

What did I learn in 2013?

• I don't like bars (unless it's trivia night with a group of friends).
• I will never like beer.
• I let things sit too long (dead flowers in water grow mold, relationships go on too long or never happen).
• I love my family more and more each year.
• How to serve in volleyball (I hope).
• Pool is not like riding a bike.
• I'm not 23 anymore and I don't want to be.
• When I fly, during take-off, sometimes it feels like there's not enough air.

First day of the new year and it's confirmed - got no romantic feelings for S. I feel really detached from him physically. Let's face it - I have a physical type, and it isn't him. You can't force attraction. (I feel even less attracted after hearing him puke for hours. Hours, I tell you. Hours.) The next time I go home, I'm going to meet up with AJ and have her set up an online dating profile for me. It's a new year - I might as well experiment.

What did I learn so far in 2014?

• Men are gross (okay, this was a relearn).
• I require manners from everyone. Do not burp and not say excuse me. Do not pick at parts of yourself - I will become so disgusted that I must turn away because I can't conceal the look of revulsion on my face.
• I am not a sympathy-puker. Thank you, God.

Goals for 2014? Don't feel pressured by the people around me to be in a serious relationship. Have fun dating and gain more experience so I learn my personal dealbreakers. Run on the regular. Maintain/improve my relationships with the people most important to me. Don't take myself so seriously. Complete a draft of a story in the first two months of the year. Watch as much of the Sochi Olympics as I can. Pray more. Listen to more James Morrison. Travel once.