free hbo day

HBO is free this weekend and I'm an addict. I even watched Warm Bodies(2013) again. I like that movie, but it creeps me out. I start thinking about how very big the windows are in my apartment and how they'd never hold up against a zombie apocalypse. And then I get scared, tell myself it's irrational because of all things to be afraid of, there's a lot worse than zombies, but it only semi works. There are many more things to be scared of: burglars, rapists, muggers, identity theft, cancer, operations, doctor's appointments. All of these are more likely than a zombie apocalypse, and yet I'm still scared. It's night and I'm convinced they'd be attracted to the light. Anyway, good movie.

I also watched that Rise of the Guardians movie that came out around Christmas last year, and I must be pms-ing because I was in tears for the last 30 minutes. I mean tears where I had to get up and get the tissue box because I got all snotty. Jack Frost's story was just so sad, I mean he died and when he remembered how, he wasn't even sad. But I was sad. So sad. I also watched a 2008 National Geographic special about that Indian girl who was born with 8 limbs instead of 4 because she had a parasitic twin and everyone treated her as the reincarnation of the goddess Laksmi, and then she had to get surgery. I remember when that happened, my mom followed the story on the news. She was such a pretty toddler - I wonder how she's doing now. Well I hope. Walking on her own I hope by now.

Trying to write a bio for my other blog and failing. I'm trying not to give out any real information, because once you put it on the internet, it's there forever. And ever. And ever. So it's best not to put anything out there. I mean, facebook is bad enough with leaking personal data. And with the whole Target thing, I've been advised to check my credit score because damnit I did go to Target once between Thanksgiving and Christmas, to buy airplane sized things for the Hawaii trip. What if my credit/debit card information and other personal information was stolen? What if I'm one of the 75K or however many people they said it was on NPR. Yes, I listen to NPR, actually kind of regularly. It's because I'm stuck in traffic so much that all the radio songs are the same. I need to be told a story to stay awake, and NPR it is. I wish their story hours came on at rush hour instead of just the same news I heard in the morning.

cone of shame

Sending the negotiation email made the lease go down by about $60. Can I get $30 more? Especially when they keep threatening that the other utilities are going to go up. All that searching and I still only have the one apt complex that I could live in. Ugh, it's just that I'm not a huge fan of this area in general. It's too crowded. If only work was located in the country - or I could telework 2 days out of the week. Then it would be work it to live somewhere with a farther commute. Wow I am a country person. I just get so tired of all the people when I walk outside. Who knows how bad it'll be by the time I'm 80. I wonder if I have the finances to buy a place, and then rent it out while I live somewhere I want to live. My parents did it, and they still rent a place in VA Beach. The difference is, my dad can fix things, although it's not like he fixed the place when we lived in Ft. Leavenworth or RI. On the other hand, I could marry up. Oh how everyone wants to do that - it's never going to happen. I can't even find a man I'm attracted to, much less one I want to marry. My hormones are freaking picky.

...

Okay I called home and talked to my sister to make me feel better. Any one of my family members are equally as great to talk to in terms of dragging me out of depression, and she got genuine laughter out of me when she described Darcy's reaction to wearing a knee brace and the cone of shame. Poor doggie.

from Up

apt searching less than a year after the last time. sigh

I'm starting to get ideas for my lease negotiation letter. I'll make an outline of the structure next, then send the leasing office an email, where I add the formal letter as an attachment.

Also, I found an apartment complex I could live in that's not going to break the bank and is closer to work. It wouldn't be the ideal commute, but neither is the one I have now - I'm just used to it. I'd get used to a new one. Plus, the potential new place has a river jogging trail. As long as it's not crime-ridden, I'd like that. So we'll see. I still haven't gone to work and asked around yet either (since today was basically a snow day). So I have plans. I won't wind up on the streets.

Ugh, I wish there were good jobs near where my family lives. Nothing like family, which is why AC is moving back to NJ in a year. I understand, I just miss her already. If I said that, she'd say I'm ridiculous, which is fair. Just because I'm missing my girlfriends, MW will probably find a job in CA and move away again too. And then both my sisters plan to become ex-patriots when they're done with school. Waaah - how did this happen?

How?

this post is pure thinking

One minute you're feeling satisfied with your lot in life, and the next your apt complex wants to increase your rent by $120 per month, a snowstorm dumps 5 inches outside, and no one shovels anything but you, plus the windchill is -1 outside, so your fingers actually ache when you come inside and all the warnings of frostbite rings in your head, and then you forgot to write down one of your work passwords, so you can't work, and your car won't go anywhere, so you'll have to make up the hours later now.

Even if you now have to start aggressively apartment hunting again, this time probably for a one bedroom apt, at least there's the chance of negotiation. At least you have somewhere to live until the lease runs out. At least S isn't contacting you so maybe he's not going to and you'll never have to deal with that again. You know when you wish he would hook up with random girls, but know it could never happen b/c of how cheesy he is, and wish he was cooler so that he could get them, and you're not one iota jealous, that it's better for you if he never calls. Please let's start 2014 fresh.

$120 though. And it wasn't so easy to write that blog for the professional website after all. With the stress, it started out pointless, just a way to calm really, and doesn't have many lessons about writing in it at all. It's mostly you imagining you were somewhere where there are no bills and mean strangers. But that place doesn't exist. Oz isn't it. Or Neverland. Or Wonderland. One thing children's stories teach is there's always someone being mean somewhere.

There. At least I hear them shoveling the sidewalk. Maybe I will only have to shovel my small walkway now. Maybe they'll even shovel that, but I doubt it. They're gone now. That was fast.

Anyway, I half want to cry. I did want to cry last night when I got the email. But if anyone will calm me down from being ridiculous, it's my father and AC. I readily admit that I need a damper put on my imagination sometimes.  I'm reading a post-apocalyptic book where everyone kills each other on sight and the only people who survive are the mean ones. The narrator isn't a mean one, but made an alliance with one, and that's really the only reason he's still alive. I'm not even halfway through it, but I love the writing style. It's unconventional b/c everyone died of the flu, which the main character, Hig, had, but somehow survived. He said it cooked his brains though, which I believe because his thoughts, sentences just end. It's first person. I like it a lot.

"Maybe I like you.... Maybe I like you a lot." - Major Payne

Can't wait to see the new Sherlock season.

2013 wrap-up VS 2014 intro

What did I learn in 2013?

• I don't like bars (unless it's trivia night with a group of friends).
• I will never like beer.
• I let things sit too long (dead flowers in water grow mold, relationships go on too long or never happen).
• I love my family more and more each year.
• How to serve in volleyball (I hope).
• Pool is not like riding a bike.
• I'm not 23 anymore and I don't want to be.
• When I fly, during take-off, sometimes it feels like there's not enough air.

First day of the new year and it's confirmed - got no romantic feelings for S. I feel really detached from him physically. Let's face it - I have a physical type, and it isn't him. You can't force attraction. (I feel even less attracted after hearing him puke for hours. Hours, I tell you. Hours.) The next time I go home, I'm going to meet up with AJ and have her set up an online dating profile for me. It's a new year - I might as well experiment.

What did I learn so far in 2014?

• Men are gross (okay, this was a relearn).
• I require manners from everyone. Do not burp and not say excuse me. Do not pick at parts of yourself - I will become so disgusted that I must turn away because I can't conceal the look of revulsion on my face.
• I am not a sympathy-puker. Thank you, God.

Goals for 2014? Don't feel pressured by the people around me to be in a serious relationship. Have fun dating and gain more experience so I learn my personal dealbreakers. Run on the regular. Maintain/improve my relationships with the people most important to me. Don't take myself so seriously. Complete a draft of a story in the first two months of the year. Watch as much of the Sochi Olympics as I can. Pray more. Listen to more James Morrison. Travel once.